


Missing You

by baeconandeggs, doitsushine92



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mental Illnesses, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, graphic descriptions of panic attack, mentioned domestic violence, mentioned self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 02:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14865248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/doitsushine92/pseuds/doitsushine92
Summary: In which soulmates have some kind of telepathy with their soulmates, like dreaming about what they’re doing or reading their thoughts. One night, Chanyeol dreams about his soulmate about to commit suicide.





	Missing You

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** BAE12  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities’ names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
>  **Author’s Note:** : this is my longest story I’ve ever written, as well as my baby for the past six months. I feel proud of myself for pulling through, especially considering how many times I thought about dropping out. Now, first, the mods: thank you for being so patient with me, for giving me all the extensions I shamefully had to ask for, you guys are the best and I’m so happy to be a part of this fest. To my beta, darling, you deserve an award for reading through this whole thing in such short amount of time and correcting all my silly mistakes, as well for leaving so much encouragement. To the prompter, I strayed from what I had in mind and, admittedly, only used the telepathic aspect of their relationship a couple of times, but I hope you still like reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. And to the readers, thank you for giving my fic a chance, I hope you enjoy it!

_i_

In the middle of a June night, Chanyeol wakes up with a start. There is something wrong with his heart – it is beating too hard, not fast, but hard, thudding against his chest like it wants to shatter his ribs – and his breathing is too shallow, his lungs cannot seem to take in enough air. His body feels hot and cold at the same time, shivery and sweaty; there is hot coal in his stomach and an ice fist on his throat. 

He realizes, belatedly, that he is showing body symptoms for a panic attack, but his mind is eerily calm. It is empty, the sort of quiet he only gets during a deep sleep or after meditation. Nonetheless, Chanyeol takes deep breaths, holding them in for multiple seconds before releasing them.

He was dreaming something, Chanyeol remembers. There was colourful water, like a liquid rainbow, the moonlight reflected on the soft ripples and he seemed to be looking down on it from high up. Chanyeol scratches his head in wonder. It looked like the Han River at night, but he has no idea why he would dream of it.

_“I’m doing it.”_

Chanyeol jerks, breathing exercises interrupted by the soft whisper. It sounded like it came from right next to him, but the only things there are his Rilakkuma plushies and Toben, fast asleep on his extra pillow.

The answer comes to mind unexpectedly, almost too good to be true. Chanyeol has just experienced his first telepathic connection to his soulmate.

The excitement he feels is drowned out, however, by the following thought.

_“I’m jumping.”_

The voice is crying, seems desperate and hopeless, like it wants to cling to a thin strand of hope. It is heart wrenching. Chanyeol doesn’t register he’s out of bed until he’s actually at his front door, belatedly grabbing a spare jacket before bolting down the stairs.

His car seems as if it’s parked three miles farther than usual. It also seems to be going slower, even if he’s pushing the speed limit. He drives the way he promised his mother he never would when she gifted him her old car for his birthday, nearly crashing into a fire hydrant and swerving when a poor dog appears out of nowhere.

There’s pressure in his chest, oppressing his lungs and blocking out every deep breath he takes, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t have the state of mind to focus on breathing when his soulmate is out there somewhere, scared enough to get through to him the way he did. 

Finally, after what felt like three eternities and a half, Chanyeol parks his car in front of the Banpo Bridge and rushes out, taking the jacket with him. He runs along the bridge, looking left and right and squinting to see in the darkest corners.

Chanyeol is starting to lose hope, the weight in his chest deepening until he feels like it will never go away, when he sees a figure standing by the railing, hunched over. Chanyeol barely has enough time to process the kid – honestly, he looks so small – is about to climb the railing before he reacts.

What he does next is instinctive, not really thought through at all. 

Chanyeol tackles his soulmate to the ground.

They hit the pavement with a thud, the boy underneath him releasing a surprised ‘oomph’. Chanyeol doesn’t let go immediately but sits up and pulls him up along with him, clutching him to his chest. He doesn’t think about how he might scare his poor soulmate off. 

“What the hell?!” they both say at the same time, the boy freaked out while Chanyeol is, now that the rush has worn off, angry. He’s passive-aggressively clutching the boy to his chest and cradling his head, grunting and grumbling.

The boy pulls away, eyes wide and jaw slack. There are tear stains on his face, his nose and cheeks a rosy colour and his eyes are red-rimmed and swollen. “Who are you?”

“I’m your soulmate,” Chanyeol says, the swift anger he felt before giving way to worry. 

“My what?” the boy gasps, scooting away in surprise. Chanyeol doesn’t follow him in fear he’ll only freak out more, even if being apart from him is physically painful now. “How – what – who?”

Chanyeol smiles in an attempt to put him at ease, but it doesn’t seem to work very well. “I’m Chanyeol. I’m your soulmate. I had a dream of the Han River and when I woke up, I heard you in my head, saying you were going to jump off. I couldn’t let that happen.”

His soulmate stares at him with disbelief clear in his face. Chanyeol doesn’t know how else to prove it to him, and is racking his brain for ideas, when the boy suddenly loosens up and lurches forward, holding on tightly to Chanyeol’s sleep shirt and burying his face into his chest. As soon as he’s there, he’s gone, though. He pulls away like he’s been burnt, blushing as he looks away. 

“Can you tell me your name?” Chanyeol prods gently after a beat of silence. 

“Baekhyun,” he whispers, rubbing his arms, probably to keep warm. 

Chanyeol perks up, standing up and offering a hand down at him. “Pleased to meet you Baekhyun,” he says. “Would you like to get out of here? I have a car with seat warmers.”

Baekhyun looks at him, then at his extended hand. He hesitates momentarily, then lifts his hand and takes Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol pulls him up gently, picks up the forgotten jacket he’d left to lie on the ground and places it around Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Baekhyun wraps it snug around his body and gives him a soft thank you. Chanyeol smiles inwardly, his chest light as a feather now that his soulmate is safe and within arm’s length. He won’t feel truly at peace until he knows why he would want to end his life, but know that the imminent threat is over, he allows himself some breathing room.

Chanyeol unlocks his car and gets the passenger’s door open for Baekhyun, closing it once Baekhyun is in. Climbing into the driver’s seat, he catches a glimpse of the time on the dashboard and sees it’s nearly 3 am.

He drives slowly, careful not to make any sharp turns in consideration of Baekhyun’s fragile state of mind. He knows the other boy is going through a lot mentally and any scares tonight will be unnecessary.

“Would you like me to take you home?”

Chanyeol sees the way Baekhyun stiffens, his eyes darting from one end of the car to the other and out the window, shoulders tense and resembling a ghost.

“Or would you rather come home with me?” 

Baekhyun doesn’t reply at first. His fists clench and unclench on his lap; he releases a deep sigh and nods. Chanyeol nods back, a soothing smile aimed at him before he makes a U turn and enters his apartment building’s block.

Chanyeol leads Baekhyun to the parking lot’s staircase and up to the first floor. They arrive to his floor quickly, going down the hall and turning the corner, finally standing in front of his apartment door. It’s then he realizes he doesn’t know where his keys are and he fumbles around his pockets embarrassedly, cursing when he can’t find them.

There’s a tinkling sound and Chanyeol’s attention is directed to Baekhyun. The shorter boy is holding Chanyeol’s keys in his fingers, holding them up for Chanyeol to see. Baekhyun doesn’t lift his gaze from the ground, hasn’t looked up the entire evening now that Chanyeol thinks about it, but he nods curtly when Chanyeol thanks him.

His apartment is dark, most of the lights turned off except for the one in the kitchen. Toben comes running at them the second he hears the door open, sniffing curiously at Baekhyun’s feet while wagging his tail.

Chanyeol kicks his shoes off and hangs his coat on the rack, bending down to rub Toben’s head shortly before making his way to the kitchen.

“Get comfortable, okay?” he calls over his shoulder, trying to sound as calm as possible. He doesn’t want to treat Baekhyun like a patient. “I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

He sets the water to boil and searches high and low for the mix until he finds it. He pours the powder carefully, stirring it until it blends in with the water and leaves it to warm up some more, the flames low.

Back in the living room, Chanyeol finds Baekhyun sitting stiff on the couch, Toben on his lap, absentmindedly petting him. He sits with his legs pressed together firmly, back straight like a kid waiting for a scolding. Chanyeol approaches him as to not scare him, sitting down with enough distance between them so Baekhyun isn’t uncomfortable. Dismissing every conversational start-up that he might use at the hospital, Chanyeol clears his throat and asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Baekhyun shakes his head slowly after a minute of hesitation. Chanyeol nods, excusing himself to get the hot chocolate. He pours the treat on two cups and brings it over to the couch, handing one to Baekhyun.

They sip on the chocolate in silence until it’s gone. By now, Baekhyun has relaxed some – he’s sitting more comfortably on the couch and he’s even smiling as Toben nuzzles his stomach. 

“How old are you?” Chanyeol asks suddenly. Baekhyun startles, as if he’s forgotten Chanyeol was there with him. 

“…I’m eighteen,” he answers softly. Then, as an afterthought, “And you?”

“I’m twenty-six,” Chanyeol smiles, “so I’m your hyung.”

Baekhyun stares at him as if he’s trying to figure out whether he’s being serious or not. Since Chanyeol’s smile doesn’t waver, he guesses he is. “Chanyeol hyung…?”

Chanyeol beams at him. “Let me go get you something to wear,” Chanyeol says. “You can take a shower and then go to bed, I’ll take the couch.”

Without waiting for his answer, Chanyeol goes into his bedroom and browses his closet until he finds a sweater and basketball shorts that won’t be too big on him – honestly, the kid looks like he weighs 110 pounds, max. He wonders if Baekhyun likes pancakes, if he would like it if Chanyeol made him some for breakfast. He goes back outside, about to ask what Baekhyun thinks about bacon and pancakes, the hand with his hoodie and pants outstretched.

He doesn’t expect Baekhyun to start crying when he hands him the clothes. Truthfully, he wasn’t expecting many of the things that have taken place tonight, but he still flails in panic. It’s not even sobbing or anything he would expect from someone getting out of his shock, just tears silently rolling down his cheeks as he stares at the clothes in his hands.

Chanyeol hugs him, not even thinking about it. Baekhyun sags in his embrace, his hands held up to his chest while still clutching the clothes. His shoulders barely shake, but his whole body is trembling and Chanyeol feels so useless because this is his soulmate and he can barely comfort him.

“It’s okay,” he mumbles, smoothing a hand down Baekhyun’s back. “I’m here, nothing is gonna happen to you, I promise.”

Considering they just met, Chanyeol doesn’t know how those words might be comforting to him, but Baekhyun presses closer, just the tiniest bit. Toben runs around them worriedly, sniffing at them.

Baekhyun stops crying minutes later, but even then, they stay as they are. Chanyeol, on his end, is taking in every detail of Baekhyun he can – the honey scent of his hair, the way he fits so perfectly in his arms, just the way soulmates are supposed to, how his arms can go around Baekhyun’s waist entirely.

The last detail isn’t well received by Chanyeol, who decides then his new goal in life is to fatten him up. Seriously, he won’t rest until Baekhyun is plump enough to squish his cheeks.

On his end, Baekhyun is soaking up every bit of the attention Chanyeol is giving him. He still can’t wrap his head around the fact that this man right here is his soulmate, can’t quite believe he even has a soulmate, but the feeling he’s getting from being held in his arms has him shaking in relief. He never wants this feeling to end. However, he has to pull away eventually, and he does so with a pout that he hides by looking down at his shoes.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, embarrassed. “Thank you for the clothes.”

Chanyeol tells him not to worry and leads him to the bathroom. He points out where everything is and assures him he can use anything he wants before leaving him. Baekhyun releases a sigh, placing the clothes on top of the toilet lid and slowly turning to the mirror.

He immediately grimaces when he sees his reflection: he looks terrible. His eyes are sunken, not to mention blood-shot, and he looks pale and gauntly, like he hasn’t eaten in days. That’s not too far from the truth, yeah, but he hates having to see the proof. Baekhyun worries his bottom lip, thinking about what Chanyeol might think if he sees the rest of his body. Would he freak out, seeing how thin he has become? Chanyeol just met him; he doesn’t know what Baekhyun looked like a year ago, so maybe he won’t think it’s out of the ordinary.

 _He’ll probably be grossed out_ , Baekhyun thinks sadly, lips involuntarily forming a pout. Let’s face it, no one finds protruding ribs attractive, not to mention his skinny arms and legs. _If only we’d met before, he would have seen me when I was actually attractive_.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Baekhyun looks away and strips quickly. The water is warm, not too hot but not cold either, just perfect, and Baekhyun stands under the stream happily. 

There are two types of soap, one liquid and one bar; Baekhyun sniffs them both before settling on the liquid one since it smells nicer. He’s just started soaping himself up when his hands brush his ribs and the little bit of positivity he had built up in the past few minutes goes down the drain.

Baekhyun showers as fast as he can and steps out, towelling off and putting on the clothes Chanyeol lent him. The sweater is big on him, but not as much as the shorts; no matter what he does, they keep slipping off his hips and falling to the ground. With a groan of exasperation, Baekhyun rummages the cabinets in search of something to hold them up.

He finds a rubber band in a little cup along with some hair pins. Baekhyun pulls the shorts up as high as they’ll go, tugging the fabric forward to make a knot and secures it with the rubber band. It’s not much, but at least they don’t fall anymore.

Mildly satisfied, Baekhyun dries his hair with the towel and looks around for a spare toothbrush. There’s one still in its packaging – Baekhyun doesn’t stop to think about boundaries, ripping the carton off and wetting the strands.

He brushes his teeth slowly, mindful of his gums; they’ve been bleeding for the past three months. Baekhyun knows that’s far from a good sign, but he no longer cares.

Back outside, Chanyeol is lying on his back on the couch, Toben resting on his chest. He sits up when he hears Baekhyun shuffle to stand next to him, his eyes lingering on Baekhyun’s exposed legs for a second before his eyes travel up to meet Baekhyun’s.

“I’ll take the couch,” they both say at the same time.

Baekhyun shakes his head vehemently, protesting even as Chanyeol drags him lightly by the wrist to the bedroom. “I can’t, that’s your bed!”

“And you’re my soulmate,” Chanyeol says simply. “You’ve had a rough day and you deserve a good night sleep.”

“But hyung… you’ll be uncomfortable,” Baekhyun shoots back weakly. It’s not enough to convince Chanyeol, who pushes back the covers and makes Baekhyun sit on the bed, fluffing the pillow and smiling at Baekhyun. 

“Get in,” he coaxes. Baekhyun frowns, doing as he’s told anyway. Chanyeol pats his head and bids him goodnight, walking out of the bedroom. 

“Good night,” Baekhyun says to the empty bedroom. 

The bed is comfy and the pillow smells like Chanyeol – minty and something Baekhyun can’t quite put his finger on. Nevertheless, it smells nice and it lulls Baekhyun into a state of relaxation until he falls asleep.

~

Chanyeol doesn’t wake up until noon. His phone is blasting where he left it on his nightstand. It obviously wakes Baekhyun up too, because Chanyeol hears a thud from his bedroom before a messy-haired Baekhyun walks out and hands him his phone.

Chanyeol gives him a sheepish smile, thanking him hoarsely before answering.

“Park Chanyeol, where in the hell are you?” comes Kyungsoo’s angry hiss on the line. Chanyeol cringes, suddenly remembering it’s a Wednesday and he should be at work.

“Hey, Soo,” he greets, trying to sound as ashamed as possible so his friend will go easy on him. 

“You were supposed to be here at eight!” Kyungsoo continues. “It’s lunch time and not even a single call or message!”

“Were you worried?” Chanyeol asks incredulously, because that doesn’t sound like Kyungsoo. 

“Of course not,” Kyungsoo scoffs. “But the transfers came in today and, guess what? We’re missing our main psychiatrist!”

Right. Today they were receiving three kids from the Lady of our Angel’s psych ward and Chanyeol was supposed to be there.

“Shit, Soo, I forgot,” he rushes out, climbing over the back of the couch and running to his room. Baekhyun looks startled at his sudden urgency, getting out of the way before he gets trampled. “I’ll be there in twenty, promise!”

Chanyeol hangs up before he hears the – probably harsh – response. He can’t find his damn belt and his nice dress pants, the ones he wears when they have new patients, are still in the washer. He’ll have to go with something less formal, much to his displeasure. He doesn’t like to look anything less than impeccable at the center.

“Um,” Baekhyun says. Chanyeol snaps his head up, finding Baekhyun standing awkwardly in the doorway, his hands tangled on the sweater he’s wearing. “You’re… leaving?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol confirms softly, smiling a bit to ease the obvious tension in Baekhyun’s shoulders. If anything, his soulmate coils in on himself, head hanging low. “But you can stay here! I’ll be back around five, I promise, and you can watch TV or a movie and Toben will keep you company!”

Baekhyun starts to protest, shaking his head and blabbering about how he can’t, but Chanyeol shushes him with a shake of his head and patting his hair lightly as he brushes past him, grabbing his phone, keys and wallet and bolting out the door with a shouted goodbye and a reminder Baekhyun can help himself to anything on the kitchen.

He’s parking his car right in front of the main entrance to the center ten minutes later. Kyungsoo is waiting for him, impatiently tapping his foot, his white coat billowing in the wind. As soon as his eyes land on Chanyeol his scowl deepens and he waves the clipboard in his hands around.

“Nice of you to join us,” he says sarcastically. Chanyeol shoots him an apologetic smile, taking the folders Kyungsoo produces from his coat and flipping through them quickly if only to have something to do – he’s already memorized the kids’ names and their conditions.

“I have a good excuse though,” Chanyeol says, unable to control the smile that blooms on his face.

To his credit, Kyungsoo looks mildly interested; taking note of the blush that sits on Chanyeol’s cheeks, he asks, “Really? Do tell.”

Chanyeol halts in his step, grabbing Kyungsoo’s arm to stop him too and tugs him to a secluded corner of the reception. If anything, Kyungsoo looks even more intrigued, leaning in when Chanyeol beckons him to.

After looking both sides to make sure there are no eavesdroppers around, Chanyeol lowers his head and tells Kyungsoo, “I met my soulmate last night. Well, this morning.”

“You met your what?!” Kyungsoo shout-whispers. There’s a genuine proud look on his face as he indulges Chanyeol in a hug, listening to him rant about how cute his soulmate is and how whipped he is already.

“Well, where is he?” Kyungsoo demands. “You know it’s my job as your best friend to warn him of the dangers of putting up with you.”

“I left him back home,” Chanyeol says, his eyes dropping down to the floor. “We met under certain… circumstances and it isn’t the best time right now.”

Kyungsoo raises both eyebrows at that but stays silent. Admittedly, when he first met his soulmate, he’d called Chanyeol immediately and set up a date for him to meet Sehun the very next day. He can’t help but feel a little hurt that Chanyeol doesn’t want him to meet his soulmate, but if Chanyeol doesn’t thinks it’s time yet then he won’t push it.

“Alright then,” Kyungsoo concedes, tapping Chanyeol in the chest with his clipboard. “We’ll talk about this later; right now, you have patients to meet.”

Chanyeol lets his feet take him to the meeting room, his mind far away from the job. He can’t help but think about Baekhyun and whether or not it was a good idea to leave him alone so soon; surely after such an eventful night, Baekhyun would want someone to talk to?

Although, now that Chanyeol thinks about it, he probably wouldn’t. From what he’d seen last night, Baekhyun wasn’t one to show how badly he’s hurting and would have probably shut down any attempt made by Chanyeol to figure out what’s going on. Chanyeol would hate for Baekhyun to get angry for his noisiness, even if it comes from his worry and his undeniable love for his soulmate.

“Boys,” Kyungsoo speaks up, holding the door open for Chanyeol to come through. “This is Dr. Park. Now, I know he’s a little late,” he sends Chanyeol a minuscule glare, quickly masked by his kind smile aimed at the three teenagers in the round table, “But he’s here now. Dr. Park, these are Heo Hyunjoon, Kim Sunwoo and Eric Son.”

Chanyeol bows, taking note of how Sunwoo seems to shrink away from him, whereas Hyunjoon leans forward with interest. As he expected, Eric doesn’t even seem to notice his presence. Chanyeol takes it all in a stride, introducing himself as Dr. Park Chanyeol, the head psychiatrist and founder of the institution. 

He explains to them how things usually run, the “house rules” in a way. He lets them know there are group sessions every day in different meeting rooms in the facility, which are optional except for the one day a week they are expected to attend. There are different themes for group therapy on Fridays so they can focus on more specific topics and they are obliged to take a vow that anything and everything said inside those four walls, stay inside those four walls. 

“Once a month there’s mandatory sessions with me,” Chanyeol says, “but my door is always open. If there’s something you’re not comfortable sharing with the group, you can come to me. If you’re feeling bad at night, ask the nurses and they’ll call either me or any of the other doctors – we usually take turns, you know, like day and night shifts, but if you wish to talk to someone in particular, just say the word.”

When Eric finally looks his way, he only asks if they’re allowed time outside. Chanyeol blinks before giving an affirmative, unsure of why he would even ask, but Kyungsoo shoots him a look and Chanyeol keeps his questions to himself, for another time. Instead, he continues with the usual guidelines, mealtimes and the workshops the center has. A bubble of hope swells inside him when Sunwoo seems to perk up at the mention of painting classes, but he immediately sulks back down as soon as he makes eye contact with Hyunjoon. 

Alright then; baby steps it is.

Once introductions are out of the way, Kyungsoo leads the boy to their rooms. Chanyeol waves goodbye and heads in the opposite direction to his office. Thankfully, he doesn’t usually have patients until after three o’clock, but he does have a shit ton of paperwork to go through before he can go home.

Chanyeol sits down with a sigh, pulling up a new word document to start on Eric’s files. He’s just about to begin typing when there’s a knock on the door and Bae Jinyoung pokes his head in, hands nervously tugging at his shirt. Chanyeol represses a tired sigh and waves him in. 

“Hey doc,” Jinyoung greets him, taking tentative steps inside the office. “Long time no see, huh?”

“Jinyoung,” Chanyeol says, not unkindly. “We’ve been over this. We’re not putting you back on.”

“But-” the kid starts to protest, only for his tongue to get tangled up and ends up stuttering out what Chanyeol assumes was a very thought out speech. Chanyeol’s heart aches for him, especially when he starts tearing up out of frustration.

“Breath, Jinyoung,” Chanyeol reminds him, breathing slowly with him. When he seems to have calmed down, he continues. “We can’t give you anymore pills, I’m sorry, but you know they’re no good for you. This will pass,” he adds when he sees Jinyoung wants to protest. “You’ll be fine soon, Jinyoung.”

After a minute of what appears to be an inner battle, Jinyoung nods his head. Chanyeol nods back, giving him an encouraging smile. He watches him leave his office, shaky as always, and wishes he could do something else for him.

Sadly, he can’t. They can’t administer him anymore meds, not ever since he developed an addiction and nearly overdosed before one of the nurses found him. They tried putting him on SNRI, but it had little effect. Eventually, they decided to lay off the drugs and instead focus on therapy and exercise, but they didn’t expect him to present abstinence related delirium. So now, not only does he have to work through his anxiety without drugs, he also has to endure what’s essentially detox.

Chanyeol sighs again, exhausted even if he’s only been at work for an hour. His mind trails back to Baekhyun, who’s probably eating lunch by now. Chanyeol wonders what he might have cooked for himself. He entertains himself with the idea of Baekhyun tinkering around his kitchen before he’s roughly shaken out of his thoughts by Kyungsoo. The head nurse plops down on the couch by the window, the same spot most of the patients choose to sit on, and asks, “What’s his name?”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says easily, loving the sound. He wants to say it again, but Kyungsoo would never let him live it down. 

“How old is he?”

This time, Chanyeol takes his time answering, mostly because he’s not sure how Kyungsoo will react. To be honest, he hadn’t even thought that much about their age difference last night, but talking to his new patients and Jinyoung today, who are the same age as his soulmate, shone a new light on the situation. He knows, really, that there’s no way he’s doing anything with that kid until he’s at least nineteen and way past his depression, but he still shivers a little at the thought. He feels dirty, somehow.

“Eighteen,” he provides eventually, once he catches Kyungsoo’s expecting eyes. 

Kyungsoo whistles low, eyebrows rose once more. “He’s young.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol nods. “He’s…”

He hesitates to share about last night. On one hand, this is Kyungsoo, who has knowledge and experience and is his best friend who will give nothing but good advice and Chanyeol can’t trust himself to make any kind of decision on his own right now.

But on the other hand, this isn’t his story to tell. He knows from experience how fragile and volatile depressed patients can get, and if Baekhyun were to find out Chanyeol went around telling others of his situation, he’s not sure the boy would forgive him.

“He’s amazing,” he finishes. 

~

Baekhyun startles when he hears the door open, jumping up from the couch and rushing over. He tries to smooth out the wrinkles on the sweater as not to appear like he’d been lazing around all day (he had), but it’s no use. He frowns, picking at a loose thread he’s sure wasn’t there an hour ago. Great.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says, smiling at him while reaching down to untie his shoes. “Why haven’t you changed? You could have grabbed something else, taken a shower.”

Baekhyun stutters out that he didn’t know he could, blushing when Chanyeol laughs softly and brushes past him, asking if he had dinner already.

“No,” Baekhyun says, waving at the plates on the kitchen table. “I was actually… waiting for you.”

If Chanyeol is surprised, he doesn’t let it show. Instead, he gives Baekhyun another one of his big smiles and makes him sit down as he fetches the silverware from under the kitchen sink. Baekhyun watches him browse around the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and putting them on the table before he opens the fridge and pulls out two cans of coke.

“Did you find something to entertain yourself with today?” Chanyeol asks him, genuinely interested.

Baekhyun doesn’t have the heart to tell him he actually slept through the day on the couch, Toben on his lap, so he nods and tells him about a movie marathon he caught on TV. “Really? What were they about?” When he takes too long to answer, Chanyeol fixes him with a look and prompts him to tell him the truth. 

“I napped,” Baekhyun admits, not looking him in the eye. He keeps to himself the part about doing that a lot lately. “You? How was work?”

“It was okay,” Chanyeol shrugs, finally sitting down for dinner. “The usual, a lot of paperwork.”

“Were you in trouble for being late?” Baekhyun asks. He worries Chanyeol was reprimanded because of him, and unconsciously starts biting his lower lip.

“Not at all!” Chanyeol reassures him. “I’m the boss so it was fine and - oh my god this is great! Where did you learn how to cook?”

Baekhyun is taken aback by how Chanyeol seems to enjoy the meat he cooked. He’d never really thought of himself as a great chef, usually making dinner for himself late at night and it always seemed to him the meals were lacking in taste. Maybe it’s just that Chanyeol had more spices in his kitchen than Baekhyun has seen at home in years.

“Nowhere,” he tells him, picking at his own bowl. “At home, I guess.”

“Well, it’s great,” Chanyeol insists. 

They don’t speak much after that, both too preoccupied in their own thoughts. Baekhyun worries he overstepped his boundaries by using the ingredients in Chanyeol’s kitchen like that, although the man doesn’t seem too bothered, humming happily as he eats. Baekhyun can’t help but stare at him, silently taking in the elegant curve of his nose. Baekhyun absentmindedly touches his own nose and compares it to the other’s, wishing his wasn’t so small and round. 

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol calls out, noticing the dark cloud that’s settled over Baekhyun. “Are you alright?”

Baekhyun nods, picking at his food. Right now, he doesn’t care much about eating, his stomach feels a little like it’s filled with lead, but he doesn’t want Chanyeol to notice.

_I wish he would talk to me._

The thought – or rather, the voice – come unexpectedly, causing Baekhyun to jerk in surprise. He glances up and finds that Chanyeol isn’t even looking his way, too preoccupied with his meal, but his hunched shoulders and burrowed eyebrows are a dead giveaway that he was the one thinking such things.

With a sigh, Baekhyun mumbles, “I was thinking that… you have a nice nose. That’s all, really.”

Chanyeol stares at him for two full seconds before breaking out into a grin. “Thank you, Baekhyun. Yours is really cute, makes you look like a puppy.”

Baekhyun has to fight down a blush, murmuring a soft thank you. He isn’t used to getting compliments, not from his parents or classmates, and it’s certainly really nice to hear such words from Chanyeol.

With dinner gone and the dishes washed, Baekhyun accepts the new pajamas Chanyeol gives him and ducks into the bathroom. Now, maybe it’s his imagination, since logically a couple of good meals couldn’t have done so much, but Baekhyun thinks his hair and skin look better than they have in a long time.

He sighs dejectedly after a minute of staring at himself in the mirror, running his eyes all over his body, checking to see if he has gained even just a tiny bit of fat. Of course, he hasn’t, much to his displeasure

Showering quickly, Baekhyun doesn’t let his hands or mind linger too much on anything, humming random songs under his breath for distraction. Again, the clothes Chanyeol gave him are too big for him, but at least now he knows what to do to keep his pants secured.

It isn’t until an hour later, Baekhyun bundled up on the couch and watching mindlessly an old drama rerun, that Chanyeol speaks up again.

“I’m taking you home tomorrow morning.”

At Baekhyun’s terrified glance, Chanyeol rushes to explain himself: “I mean so you can grab some of your stuff! It mustn’t be very comfortable to be sleeping with shorts too big for you, right? You can stay with me as long as you want; I just want you to be comfortable.”

Baekhyun nods, burrowing further inside the little nest he’s made for himself with a throw blanket and the oversized sweater he’s wearing. Chanyeol can’t help but think he looks so comfortable like that, so… soft? Is that the word for it?

Whatever it is, Chanyeol likes it.

Manhandling Baekhyun out of his cocoon and into bed is easier said than done. Not because he’s heavy – not one bit – but because he refuses to part from the couch. 

Chanyeol isn’t sure if they’re on good enough terms to carry him, so instead he shakes him awake and lures him toward the bedroom with the promise to treat him to coffee the next morning.

~

Chanyeol parks his car in front of the two-story house Baekhyun pointed out as his. Dressed in the same clothes from Tuesday night, Baekhyun politely asks Chanyeol to wait for him in the car. Chanyeol politely ignores him. Baekhyun rolls his eyes not so discreetly when Chanyeol gets out of the car with him, but leads the way anyway, unlocking the front door with the keys he finds under a fake rock.

He’s not sure what he was expecting to find inside the house, but it wasn’t this. It looked just like a regular family house, a few pictures hanging on the walls, a kitchen table with a bowl of fruit and a living room that looked, well, _lived_ in.

Baekhyun bypasses all of this and heads straight for the stairs, taking two at a time. Chanyeol follows him down the hall and into his room. It looks just like a teenager’s room, save for the keyboard in one corner and the Girls’ Generation poster above the bed. Otherwise it’s just a mess of clothes strewn everywhere and school papers a complete chaos on the desk.

“Can you pass me that backpack, please?” Chanyeol does as he’s told, grabbing the bag from the chair and handing it to Baekhyun, who immediately starts stuffing it with random items of clothing from the closet and dresser, including a phone and a charger previously plugged to the wall. Chanyeol spies a blue hoodie and cotton pants with Winnieh’s face all over it before Baekhyun moves on the bathroom.

There’s a second door attached to the bathroom. Chanyeol supposes a sibling’s room, but Baekhyun doesn’t seem too keen to talk right now so he doesn’t ask. He simply watches him take his toothbrush and toothpaste, a hair brush and a deodorant bar.

Baekhyun pauses on his way out, hand poised on the door handle. He seems to have an inner argument with himself before backtracking and going into the other room. Chanyeol immediately knows he was right, it is another sibling’s room. A brother’s, to be exact.

It isn’t much different to Baekhyun’s room, except there are no girl groups on the walls and no instruments. Baekhyun heads straight for the dresser, taking out what looks like an old blanket and, after some hesitation, the half-empty bottle of cologne sitting on the nightstand. 

Without a word, Baekhyun is running back out to the hall and down the stairs. He pauses once more in the hall leading to the front door to grab a picture from the wall, then keeps on bolting out. His obvious plan to get out of the neighbourhood as soon as possible is interrupted, though, by a soft voice calling out, “Baekhyun hyung?”

Baekhyun halts, turning around to the source of the voice. Chanyeol does so too, met with a young boy around the same age as Baekhyun, perhaps a tad younger, bronze skinned and fiddling with the hem of his sports T-shirt. The summer breeze keeps sending his hair flying in all directions.

“Jongin,” Baekhyun sighs, a little tired, a lot fond. It’s nice, Chanyeol thinks. “Didn’t see you there.”

“Hyung,” Jongin breaths out. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

“I’ve…” Baekhyun hesitates, looking towards the end of the block where the avenue is devoid of cars. “I’ve been busy, Jonginnie.”

“Who’s this?” 

Chanyeol jolts in surprise, not expecting Jongin to acknowledge him. He’s even more surprised when Baekhyun grabs his hand, almost hesitatingly, tugging him forward to stand next to him in front of Jongin. 

“This is Chanyeol,” Baekhyun introduces. “My soulmate. Chanyeol, this is Jongin, my neighbour and long-time friend.”

Jongin doesn’t seem to have heard the last sentence, doesn't seem quite there after the word ‘soulmate’ comes out of Baekhyun’s mouth. Chanyeol can see how he physically deflates, eyes sad as they trail down to their joined hands. The man feels like a scapegoat but doesn’t detach himself from Baekhyun; despite his intentions, it still feels good to have physical contact. Plus, he’s not going to make a scene.

They bid their goodbyes not too long after, Jongin waving at them before practically running inside his house. As soon as he’s out of sight, Baekhyun lets go.

~

“Why did you do that?”

Baekhyun startles. Not at the question – he’s been expecting it since they saw Jongin – but at the tone in Chanyeol’s voice, tired, used and demanding all at once. He’d been hoping to avoid this argument for as long as possible, maybe never talk about it at all, but of course Chanyeol would want answers.

“Do what?” Baekhyun asks, trying to fake nonchalance, but instead his voice comes out a whole lot guiltier than he intended. 

“You know what.”

Fighting back a flinch, Baekhyun turns his attention to the streets. It’s starting to rain, light droplets of water hitting the windshield of the car. It’s a nice car, an almost fancy car; it makes Baekhyun wonder what Chanyeol does for a living if he can afford it at his age.

He falters. “I don’t know why I did it,” he admits. Baekhyun takes a deep breath and continues: “I’ve always been aware of his feelings for me, he’s not very subtle. But Jongin is one of my only friends and I couldn’t reject him, it would be too painful. So, I just tried to ignore it. I guess it just seemed like the best way to show him I’m not interested.”

“The best way?” Chanyeol asks incredulously. It’s the roughest he’s talked to Baekhyun in the three days they’ve spent together, and they both seem surprised by it. However, Chanyeol powers through with it. “Baekhyun, you broke his heart. You rubbed in his face that you have a soulmate and it isn’t him.”

“I know,” Baekhyun moans, burrowing his face in his hands. “I feel terrible about it, I do! I’m sorry I dragged you into this. You shouldn’t have to deal with my shit.”

Somehow, Chanyeol knows he’s not just talking about earlier. He chances a look in his direction during a red light and sure enough, Baekhyun seems to be on the edge of crying, though he resolutely keeps his bottom lip caught between his teeth. There’s something so vulnerable about Baekhyun that pulls at Chanyeol’s heartstrings and he can’t bring himself to be mad at him. All he wants to do is envelop him in a hug, pet his hair and reassure him that he’s not going anywhere. Sensing that it’s best if he lightens the mood, Chanyeol snorts. “If this is you trying to get rid of me then, tough luck, kid. You’re stuck with me.”

To his absolute delight, Baekhyun flashes him a thankful, albeit tiny, smile. It feels like a milestone to Chanyeol.

~

That night, Chanyeol makes room in his closet and dresser for Baekhyun’s things. He didn’t bring much, but Chanyeol still makes a show of shoving his clothes to one side of the closet and thrusting a couple of hangers in Baekhyun’s hands. The spare room doesn’t have a closet because it wasn’t originally meant to be a bedroom, and Kyungsoo took his portable closet when he moved away, so Baekhyun will have to share with Chanyeol.

Next, Baekhyun tries to convince him he doesn’t need an entire drawer for the four socks he brought, but Chanyeol hushes him and takes the now almost empty backpack from him, upending it and dumping the few remaining articles of clothing on the drawer. 

In the bathroom, Chanyeol raids the little storage room he has under the sink and produces a shampoo bottle and a soap bar, which he should have done before, and puts it in the shower caddy on what he deems the ‘Baekhyun side’. He also clears a stand on the cupboard for Baekhyun to keep his things in.

Baekhyun protests through the whole deal, mumbling about how he doesn’t want to be a bother, but Chanyeol isn’t even paying attention to him anymore. He hangs the picture Baekhyun brought from home on the wall next to his bedroom door and turns to Baekhyun with a grin.

“All done,” he tells him. Baekhyun still has a frown on his face, which Chanyeol smooths out with his fingers. Without giving himself time to panic about the bold move, he dodges around Baekhyun and goes into the kitchen with the excuse of making dinner.

They have fried rice with vegetables since Chanyeol isn’t feeling the chef in him tonight. Baekhyun seems to love it either way, Chanyeol’s senses telling him it has more to do with the fact it’s a homemade meal than the actual food. 

“My friend Minseok is bringing over an extra mattress tomorrow morning,” Chanyeol says around a mouthful of rice. Baekhyun freezes with the spoon hovering over his plate, eyes raised in his direction. “I called work already to let them know I’d be late. You can take my bed tonight.”

Baekhyun nods his head, thanking him softly before shoving more food than he can take into his mouth, cheeks red. Chanyeol fights back a grin and follows his lead. Plates cleared and washed, Chanyeol asks Baekhyun if he wants to watch a movie or if he simply wants to go to bed. Baekhyun suggests they watch a random show until they’re sleepy and Chanyeol turns the telly on, browsing through the channels until he settles for Brother vs. Brother, some American show on paid cable. Halfway through the show, Baekhyun asks, “What do you do? Your work, I mean.”

Chanyeol hesitates to answer. It might be silly of him, but the idea that Baekhyun might feel - what? How would he feel about his soulmate being a psych? -, awkward, makes him want to hide in a corner. The last thing he wants is for Baekhyun to start acting weird around him. Honesty, however, is the best policy.  
“I’m a psychiatrist,” Chanyeol says, not quite looking him in the eyes. Baekhyun stares for some of the most excruciating seconds of Chanyeol’s life, face completely unreadable. And then he starts laughing.

It’s not humoristic; it’s a resigned, sort of ironic chuckle. “Of course, you are,” he murmurs. “Fate is an asshole like that. The psycho and the shrink.”

So many things wrong with that statement. “Baekhyun, you’re not a psycho. You’re depressed and that just happens to be the most common illness, especially among teenagers. Seriously,” he adds when Baekhyun frowns disbelievingly at him, “seven out of every ten teenagers are either depressed or anxious or both, regardless of whatever the trigger may be. So, get rid of that idea you have of being crazy, because you’re not. You’re sick but you _can_ get better.

“And I don’t think fate was being an asshole by making us soulmates,” he continues. “I think it happened so I could help you. You were going to kill yourself and I saw you, I found you and I brought you here, I brought you home with me so I could help you love yourself again. Baekhyun,” in a fit of boldness, mixed with desperation to make his soulmate understand, Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s hands in his and cradles them close to his heart, “Whether you believe it or not, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to smile every day and you deserve to be loved and I want to give that to you, if you’ll let me. I’m not asking to be your boyfriend or any sort of romantic commitment from you, I’d be more than happy to just be your friend. Can we be? Friends?”

It takes Baekhyun only a minute to answer, but it feels to Chanyeol like the longest time. He worries he scared Baekhyun and he will be gone as quick as he came into his life. 

“We can,” Baekhyun says finally, looking shyly at their clasped hands. “Be friends. If you’re sure.”

Chanyeol smiles relieved. “Great. I think it’s past your bedtime though, so off you go.”

“Who says I have a bedtime?” Baekhyun complains. 

“I do,” Chanyeol says easily. “You’re a child, therefore, you get bedtime. Nine o’clock, get moving.”

Baekhyun shoots him a dirty look, a little like he’s contemplating if he should argue or not, but a yawn disrupts the whole tough look thing he was going for. He glares at Chanyeol when the older man smiles triumphantly and stalks off to the bedroom with a huff. Chanyeol giggles.

~

Minseok arrives way earlier than Chanyeol expected him to. When his hyung said, “I’ll swing by after gym,” Chanyeol figured he meant sometime around nine, maybe ten o’clock. He knows Minseok opens the shop at four am so his employees can get started on the day, baking bread and cakes and whatnot, and Chanyeol always figured he lingers for a while before leaving for his regular routine at seven. His doorbell rings at six thirty. 

“Oh, did I wake you?” Minseok asks innocently. He’s dressed in his usual work attire – pressed slacks and a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows – and his hair is still slightly damp from a shower. “I did tell you I’d come straight from the gym, didn’t I?”

It takes Chanyeol a few seconds to remember how words work. “You did. But I thought it’d be… later.”

Minseok laughs, nodding his head to the stairs as indication for him to follow. “Come on, I need your help carrying the mattress.”

At the entrance to the small building is Lu Han’s truck, parked parallel to the street and with its owner leaning against the hood and practically asleep on the spot. Minseok rasps his knuckle against his soulmate’s forehead lightly to wake him up and moves to the back, where the mattress is lying horizontally. A pointed look later Lu Han is getting off his ass and going around the truck to help them. Chanyeol grunts at the weight, feeling all sorts of weak compared to Minseok and wonders if he should go back to the gym. Maybe next week.

The trip up the stairs is a tricky one, even if Chanyeol lives on the first floor. Their building only has three floors so no one ever bothered to put an elevator on it, and as far as he knows the people on the third floor have lived there since the beginning of time so he’s never seen anyone struggling with their boxes all the way up. When he moved in, back when he and Kyungsoo were still in Uni and couldn’t afford their own places, they bribed their friends into helping them with the promise of pizza and a cold beer – the social contract, of course.

Chanyeol has to let go of his side of the mattress to unlock the door and Lu Han nearly drops it from the surprise. He gives the younger boy a pointed glare but goes ignored from said man. The apartment smells like oatmeal, Chanyeol notices. Like oatmeal and fresh coffee. Immediately he sees Lu Han and Minseok perk up and represses a smile. 

Baekhyun emerges from the kitchen with a shy smile, waving at Minseok and Lu Han. His outfit is an odd combination of Chanyeol’s old band t-shirt and Baekhyun’s own pajama pants, a sight endearing to Chanyeol. Lu Han sends Baekhyun a terribly veiled look of ‘I see you’, to which Minseok kicks him in the shin and grumbles something about his old men bones. Toben sniffs Lu Han momentarily before moving on, clearly not interested. Lu Han glares after the dog.

“Baekhyun, meet Minseok and Lu Han. Guys, this is my soulmate Baekhyun.”

“Hi!” Lu Han says, dropping a hand from the mattress to wave at Baekhyun. He has to put it back almost right away, but the sentiment gets across.

“You can put the mattress in the spare room,” Chanyeol tells them. “I put the keyboard and the guitars in my own room so there should be enough space.”

His hyungs do as they’re told, although Lu Han does whine about being treated as a maid. They bicker all the way to Kyungsoo’s old bedroom. Alone, Chanyeol smiles brightly at Baekhyun and says, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Baekhyun says back, his voice steadier now than three days ago. He also looks a bit fuller around the cheeks, although he’s still thinner than average. Chanyeol feels a little bit more than proud when Baekhyun gobbles up everything he cooks. 

Back from the spare room, Minseok drags Lu Han away from the kitchen. “We don’t have time for a coffee break, Han. You need to get to the office and I have a business to run.”

“You’re not staying?” Baekhyun blurts out, eyes wide. “I mean, I just… I made enough for all.”

“Thank you Baekhyun,” Minseok smiles. “But we’re going to have to take a rain check. Next time, yeah?”

“Right. It’s okay,” Baekhyun smiles. They exchange pleasantries before Chanyeol kicks them out. 

“I’ll put bedsheets on the mattress later,” Chanyeol says over breakfast. The oatmeal is sweet and has cinnamon sprinkled on top. “I’m going to need your help cleaning out the room since it’s been a sort of storage room for a while, and we’ll have to go furniture shopping at some point so you can have your own dresser and privacy, but we can take care of that later.”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun says, sincerely. “Really Chanyeol, for everything.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, smiles at him a little sadly. “There’s no need to thank me, Baek.”

While Chanyeol is doing the dishes, stifling yawns into the crook of his elbow and careful not to get his face all soapy, Baekhyun leans against the counter and asks to hear more about his job. “I’m just curious because you said you were the boss,” he’s quick to explain, looking flustered under Chanyeol’s gaze, “and you’re a psychiatrist but never elaborated on it, so…”

“Alright,” Chanyeol says, “I work in a mental health institution. Fancy words for psychiatric hospital. I’m the head doctor; I’m in charge of diagnosing and medicating the patients; I see the kids once a month during one-on-one sessions. The hospital caters mostly to children and teenagers,” he continues, “but we do take young adults as long as they’re under twenty-five, since everyone working there specializes in those areas. At the moment we have a little under a hundred patients, so we’re a little packed, but there are twenty nurses and around ten therapists working with us.”

“And what kind of… illnesses do you treat?”

“Anything from depression to schizophrenia. Well, not schizophrenia since that usually manifests when you’re in your twenties - but you get my point. Most of the kids have personality or mood disorders, but like I said before, depression is too common.”

“How do you work with them?” Baekhyun asks. “Other than drugs.”

“They’re not drugs,” Chanyeol points out. “They’re meds and they’re supposed to help you. It’s a shame they have the side-effects they do. And to answer your question, we also have group therapy every day and anyone can attend them, workshops and outdoor activities. It’s not all about the ‘drugs’. There are other ways to deal with mental issues.”

“Huh,” Baekhyun hums, deep in thought. Chanyeol doesn’t want to push him into what is most likely going to be a hard conversation for him, so he doesn’t question him into his sudden curiosity.

Chanyeol dresses for work in speed record after he sees the time and is almost out the door when Baekhyun calls out “Wait!” from the bathroom. The taller man spins on his heels and watches Baekhyun emerge from a cloud of steam, hair plastered to his forehead and clad in street clothes. “Can I go with you?”

“You – I – why?”

Why, oh why does Chanyeol have to say the wrong things? Baekhyun shrinks at the question, his hands knot together in front of him and it makes him look so, so ashamed of wanting to go with him. Chanyeol backtracks immediately, rushing towards him to reassure him that it’s fine. “You can come with! Don’t worry, I can introduce you to my best friend Kyungsoo – he’s the one who gifted me Toben – and you can meet the rest of the staff -!”

“Actually,” Baekhyun interrupts him, fiddling with the buttons in his shirt, “I was thinking about attending one of those… group therapy things you mentioned before. If that’s okay.”

“Absolutely,” Chanyeol nods firmly, eagerly, proudly. “I think you’re going to get along with my kids. Come on, there’s a session at nine thirty you can sit in.”

~

They’re about three steps inside the institution when Kim Doyeon comes barrelling towards them, squealing something about ‘doctor oppa’s soulmate’. Chanyeol doesn’t remember when, exactly, his patients started calling him oppa and hyung, he is one hundred percent sure it’s against the rules, but as long as no one finds out, they’re fine. And if it helps them feel closer to him and in turn makes them open up easier, then Chanyeol is all for it.

“Is this him?” she asks excitedly. Doyeon is practically vibrating on the spot, which is weird for her because she can usually barely stand up straight. Chanyeol suspects the new meds arrived. “Oppa, is this your soulmate?”

Chanyeol hesitates to answer. It isn’t because he’s ashamed or anything of the sort, but he doesn’t want Baekhyun to be uncomfortable. Instead of answering her question, he asks her, “How do you know about my soulmate?”

“Somi-yah heard you and Kyungsoo oppa talking yesterday,” she says. “She told Samuel-ah and he told me and Yoojung.”

“How did she even hear us?” Chanyeol mutters to himself. 

“We thought she imagined it,” Doyeon continues, buzzing with excitement. “So Yoojung and I questioned Kyungsoo oppa and he confirmed it.”

“He told you?”

“Well, no, but you know oppa doesn’t know how to lie to us,” Doyeon giggles. Chanyeol supresses a sigh and tells Doyeon, not unkindly, to hurry up and go to breakfast before their session today.

“Why didn’t you tell her?”

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun. The boy has yet another frown on his face and he’s staring at the ground; he’s shuffling his feet. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you want to tell people, go ahead. Do whatever feels right for you.”

After Baekhyun nods, Chanyeol leads him to the nurses’ station to sign him in. The nurse on turn is Yoon Jisung, who handles the paperwork with a smile on his face. Chanyeol signs at the bottom of the page as the emergency contact and responsible adult. 

“Now, Baekhyun, would you prefer a single or a double?” Jisung asks distractedly, filing his papers away in the cabinets lining the far wall. “We just discharged some patients so you get to choose.”

“He’s staying with me, actually,” Chanyeol interrupts. He’s stayed quiet, let Baekhyun answer the necessary questions and only intervened when prompted. “I already have the spare room set up for him.”

“Dr. Park, if Baekhyun stays at the facility, it’ll be a lot easier to handle his treatment,” Jisung reminds him. “And he’ll receive all the attention he might need, especially if he has attacks.”

“Same as if he stays with me,” Chanyeol negotiates. “He’ll spend the days here, I can drive him to and from, and he’ll come home with me at night. I can be there if he needs me, I’ll make sure he takes his meds and he’ll definitely never miss a day of therapy since I have to come every day for work anyway.”

“Alright,” Jisung sighs. “But if there’s a problem, you are responsible.”

“Of course.”

Jisung stares at him hard for a couple of seconds before he shoos them out of the station. “Dr. Kim’s session is about to start. They’re talking about feelings today.”

“Don’t they always?” Chanyeol jokes. Jisung cracks a smile and bats his hands, closing the door behind them. 

Kim Junmyeon’s meeting hall is in the second floor. It’s a large space, with windows taking up an entire wall and a cluster of chairs arranged in the middle of the room in a circle. On one wall there’s a table with snacks and a pitcher with water and on the opposite end of the hall Junmyeon keeps a stack of self-help books that are supposedly for the kids to take and read on their free time. Chanyeol thinks he’s only seen a handful of the patients take the books.

Junmyeon perks up when he sees Chanyeol walk in, waving cheerily at him and coming closer so he can shake hands with Baekhyun. “Hello there, I’m Dr. Kim. And you are?”

“I’m Byun Baekhyun,” he introduces himself. “I’m Chanyeol’s… uh,” he hesitates. “Soulmate.”

“So, it’s true?” a voice speaks from the side. Chanyeol finds Samuel standing not too far from them. “Damn, I owe Somi ten bucks.”

“Language,” Junmyeon reminds him.

Samuel rolls his eyes. “Oh, golly, I owe Somi ten bucks!” Junmyeon glares at him fondly.

“Baekhyun, meet Samuel,” Chanyeol says. “Samuel, this is Baekhyun.”

“Hi,” Baekhyun waves. Samuel waves back. 

“Why don’t you two take a seat,” Junmyeon suggests. “Session starts in a few minutes.”

With Baekhyun following after Samuel to the circle, taking a seat next to the kid and looking terribly overwhelmed at the slaughter of information Samuel seems to be giving him, Chanyeol asks Junmyeon to keep an eye on him. “He’s suicidal,” he tells his colleague. “That’s how I found him in the first place. I don’t need to know what he says in here, I know it’s confidential, but I would greatly appreciate it if you could help him.”

“Of course, I will,” Junmyeon says. He sounds surprised Chanyeol would even have to tell him to. “It’s my job, isn’t it?”

Chanyeol smiles. “Right. Well, thanks, hyung. I’ll see you at lunch.”

After one last look at Baekhyun, the tiny smile on his face as he listens to the newly arrived Somi and Justin, Chanyeol walks out and heads for the elevator.

~

Baekhyun isn’t sure what to think of this whole ‘group therapy’ business. Sure, the kids are nice enough – even that Sunwoo guy, who seems to be physically unable of looking at anyone in the eyes. And Junmyeon is kind and understanding and listens patiently to everything everyone says; he’s encouraging and never allows anyone to diminish their own feelings. Baekhyun wishes he could share with the group the way the others do, but everytime there’s a lull in the conversation, an opening for someone else to take the floor, his mouth clamps up and he can’t get the words out.

His time runs out when everyone in the circle has talked and Junmyeon turns to look at him. “Baekhyun, would you like to share anything?”

The other kids turn to him too: some expectant, other curious, and others – Eric – only do it because everyone else is doing it and not because he’s exactly interested. Baekhyun tries to find the words, but they seem to be stuck in his throat. He shakes his head and looks down. “No, sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Junmyeon reassures him. “You don’t have to talk until you’re comfortable with us.”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun nods. He’s thankful they’re not pushing him to talk. And now that he thinks about it, neither has Chanyeol. He wonders if it’s a shrink thing.

The session is dismissed a few minutes later, leaving Baekhyun at a loss. He has no idea what to do or where to go from here. He sorts of wants to go back to Chanyeol’s apartment and take a nap with Toben, but he doesn’t want to distract the older man from his job. He considers asking Samuel what they’re supposed to do now, but the kid is already walking away with Somi. The only ones left are him and Sunwoo. He doesn’t know much from the kid; he had refused to talk too, but rather inarticulately. 

Before Baekhyun can make up his mind about whether to approach him or not, Junmyeon says, “Sunwoo-ssi, why don’t you show Baekhyun around the institution? I think you two might get along.”

Sunwoo widens his eyes, stares from Junmyeon to Baekhyun and back, before he nods slowly. He rises from his seat, waits for Baekhyun to do the same and ducks out of the meeting hall.

“Well, this is Dr. Kim’s hall,” Sunwoo says. “Now that you came here today, you might as well stick to him. At least that’s what I’m told,” he adds quickly. “I’m sure you can do what you want. Hyunjoon is the one who said that to me, anyway. There’s another group session on the other end of the floor, but I don’t know who runs it.”

Sunwoo takes him to a few other places in the institution, such as the cafeteria, the three floors meant for the workshops, the gym and the running track. Baekhyun and Sunwoo seem to agree that the gardens are their favourites, so they grab cake from the cafeteria and sit on one of those cement benches, the one closest to the fountain. Overall, the place isn’t nearly as terrible as Baekhyun had made it out to be in his head.

He and Sunwoo, for the quiet demeanour they share, make easy friends with each other. After many failed attempts in the span of one hour, Baekhyun manages to learn that Sunwoo is here because he has what the doctors call an avoidance personality disorder. “It means I steer clear of social situations. I don’t do people. And it’s not just because I’d rather be in quiet places, it’s… hard for me to talk to others or even go out of my house.”

“You seem okay with me,” Baekhyun points out.

“You’re just one guy,” Sunwoo says. “And you’re not loud or all over the place.”

They stay silent for some minutes, just watching the birds and the bees fly around the flowers. “I’m depressed,” Baekhyun confesses. “I tried to kill myself a few days ago. That’s how Chanyeol found me.”

“So, he is your soulmate?” Sunwoo asks. 

“Everyone seems to be so interested in that,” Baekhyun chuckles. “Yeah, he is. I apparently got through to him while he was asleep and he saw enough to know I was at the Han River. He saved my life by tackling me to the ground.”

“I’m sorry,” Sunwoo says.

“Sorry that I wanted to kill myself or sorry I didn’t make it?”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Sunwoo clarifies. 

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “Me too.”

_ii_

“Fuck!”

The apartment is filled with smoke now. Baekhyun continues to curse as he runs around the kitchen, turning off the stove and taking the lid off the pot. The contents spill over and stain the surrounding areas. Baekhyun fights back frustrated tears and douses the whole thing with tap water.

“Baekhyun?” 

Crap, shit, fuck, any other curse word in the world. Baekhyun turns around but doesn’t dare to look the older man in the eyes. He’s just made a mess of the kitchen and if Chanyeol is anything like his stepdad, there’s going to be hell to pay.

Baekhyun shrinks away when Chanyeol gets closer, flinches when there’s a hand nearing his face, but instead of the slap he’s so used to, there’s warm pressure on his chin, making him look up. Chanyeol has a frown on his face, concern lining his features. Baekhyun wonders what he did to deserve that look.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks.

“I was trying to make dinner,” Baekhyun stutters. “But I got distracted and it boiled over.”

For the first time that night Chanyeol seems to notice the disaster zone they’re in. He emits a soft “Oh,” before he shrugs and says, “Well, that’s okay. I can clean this up while you order take-out. There’s a stack of menus on the dining table, you can choose whatever you want.”

 _What?_ Baekhyun thinks. That’s all he’s going to say? He’s not going to yell or be mad? It doesn’t make sense to Baekhyun and it leaves him flabbergasted. 

Chanyeol nudges him out of the kitchen gently, gives him an encouraging smile before he ducks into the laundry room. Baekhyun does as he’s told and walks to the dining table, grabbing the menus so he can read through them. Chanyeol mentioned in passing the other day he likes pizza, right? Maybe he can order that, as an apology or something.

It’s been two weeks since he started therapy at Chanyeol’s hospital. In that time, he’s learned that Chanyeol’s grades and personality during med school and afterwards during his grad studies landed him the job at the institution easily. He knows that his best friend Kyungsoo has a soulmate named Sehun, who is a dance teacher and is, coincidentally, in the same team as Jongin. 

He met another one of Chanyeol’s friends over the weekend, Wu Yifan. Fate seems to work in strange ways, because he’s the same Yifan who’s soulmate with Jongdae, Baekhyun’s best friend for the longest time. Baekhyun and Jongdae were in a busking team a year ago or so, before Baekhyun’s condition worsened and he only felt like a burden to them. Jongdae kicked his ass (with love) when they saw each other at the restaurant and made him promise to keep in touch, especially since they already graduated.

Baekhyun constantly forgets he’s supposed to go to Uni now, but everytime he remembers a tight fist forms in his throat and he feels like throwing up. He doubts he has any skills useful in life and wonders what faculty might be gullible enough to accept him.

He voiced such thoughts during group therapy the following day of the meeting. He’s been talking more and more every day, although he still keeps many things to himself. Junmyeon had encouraged him to try one of their workshops to see if he has any hidden talent he wasn’t aware of, or at least rule out the things he wasn’t interested in. So far, he’s only enjoyed the piano lessons they offer, but he doesn’t know what he might do with it.

Sunwoo quickly becomes a constant in his life, as well as an important part of his healing process. His quiet presence allows Baekhyun to voice his every thought, including the ones he’s too afraid to share during sessions. Sunwoo confesses to him one evening, after dinner has been served and cleared and Baekhyun is waiting for Chanyeol to be done so they can go, that hanging out with him has helped his condition as well.

“One of the things that come with my personality disorder,” Sunwoo explained, “is a deep fear of embarrassing myself. Before starting therapy, I couldn’t look people in the eye; I was completely terrified going to school or getting out of my bedroom. I think the reason Dr. Kim wanted us to be friends, is because he somehow knew you’d be able to get me to talk more and in exchange I’d help you get better too.”

Baekhyun was silent for a full minute before he looked at Sunwoo and said, “You are so much smarter than you make yourself out to be.”

Sunwoo blushed so red; Eric stopped in his tracks on his way to the dorms and stared for a second before he moved on. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“It was,” Baekhyun insisted. “Even if you don’t see it, I do. You’re smart, Sunwoo-yah. And what you said makes a lot of sense, just so you know.”

Chanyeol found Sunwoo crying in Baekhyun’s lap but didn’t say a word. Baekhyun sort of wanted to kiss him for that.

Baekhyun shakes himself out of his thoughts when he hears the doorbell ring. He doesn’t remember calling to order the pizza or sitting down on the couch, but that’s apparently just a side effect from the meds he’s taking. From what he understands, the hospital likes to take on medical trials and Baekhyun is currently on some new stuff that, however effective it is for him, it still sucks for his memory. Chanyeol has taken to remind him gently of things Baekhyun erases from his memory, cooing when Baekhyun grumbles about his brain going to shit.

They have dinner in front of the TV. There’s a new Running Man episode airing and Baekhyun laughs full-heartedly, so glad he’s feeling good enough to concentrate on the show that his laughter is giddy and proud.

~

The one thing Baekhyun doesn’t appreciate about rainstorms is the power outs. He’s always hated it, even as a kid, because for some reason it always happens on the day Baekhyun needs electricity.

Like today. He’s alone in the apartment, Chanyeol gone to the supermarket to buy groceries for the week and Baekhyun, after much deliberation, decided to take Jongdae up on his offer to play Overwatch together. And all had been nice and everything, until the computer screen died – along with the rest of the electronics in the house.

Frustrated, Baekhyun decided to sulk by the window, staring at the raindrops and cursing the weather. He usually enjoys the rain but today it’s like it is out to get him or something. To make matters worse, his phone had been charging and when Baekhyun checks it’s barely at 30%. He groans, annoyed, but leaves it alone in case of an emergency.

So, he has nothing to do other than be bored out of his mind. He doesn’t even know when Chanyeol is going to be home! And Toben is dead to the world in his owner’s bedroom, so there goes his final hope. Baekhyun doesn’t have the heart to wake up the puppy, it would be just mean.

Baekhyun has counted the cracks on the ceiling three times when a tiny rock hits the window. Thinking it might be teenagers bored as much as he is, he ignores it, but then it happens again and again until Baekhyun gets annoyed. He gets up and opens the window, ready to yell at them to go home, but stops himself when he sees a familiar face peering up at him.

“Chanyeol?!” he yells over the noise of the storm. Chanyeol is soaked to the bone, his car nowhere in sight and a kicked puppy look on his face. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Car broke down!” Chanyeol hollers back. “Left my keys inside. Phone died. Can you please let me in?”

“Be right there!”

Baekhyun rushes down the stairs, taking two at a time. Halfway down he thinks he should have grabbed a towel but he’s almost there so whatever. Chanyeol flashes a grateful smile and runs upstairs. Baekhyun keeps to himself how he is dripping all over and might slip and fall to his death.

“What happened to your car?” Baekhyun asks eventually. He’s sitting on a stool by the shower and eating yoghurt because he’s worried it might go bad if the power doesn’t come back on. Thankfully, their shower doesn’t rely on electricity to work but the heater does, so Chanyeol is stuck with cold water. He’s supposed to be washing off the rain, but Baekhyun can hear him shying away from the spray.

“Something to do with the engine,” Chanyeol says. There’s some muffled cursing and then the shower head is turned off. Baekhyun grabs one of the towels and sticks his arm out. Once Chanyeol takes it from him, he gets up to throw the empty yoghurt carton away. He gets back just in time to find Chanyeol putting on the sweats Baekhyun had picked out for him earlier. His hair is damp and matted to his forehead, and the candle Baekhyun lit is flickering, casting shadows on Chanyeol’s face.

Baekhyun is suddenly struck with how handsome Chanyeol is. His face is bare, his eyes wide, making him look much younger than he actually is. Water droplets are dripping from his hairline to his jaw and neck, then further down to his collarbones and exposed chest. Baekhyun stops his mind from wandering into dangerous thoughts, but not before he lets himself appreciate his soulmate.

“Have you called a mechanic yet?” Baekhyun asks, if only to have something to talk about. July has come and gone, nearly two months since he met Chanyeol, yet he still has trouble keeping a conversation going. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes he has to rely on Chanyeol to do the talking. He never disappoints.

“I did,” Chanyeol nods. He squints his eyes to take a closer look at himself in the mirror even in the darkness, but it doesn’t seem to do much. “But the storm is apparently too strong and they’re not supposed to get any of the tow trucks out unless there’s a traffic accident or some shit – sorry!”

Baekhyun smiles, amused by how Chanyeol reacts everytime he curses in front of Baekhyun. It’s cute, Baekhyun thinks. “So, you just left your car in the middle of the street?”

“It wasn’t in the middle of the street,” Chanyeol defends himself. “I pushed the car closer to the sidewalk.”

“And you left it there?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol said. “It was in front of a store and the old man promised to watch it for me until I could get it to a shop.”

Chanyeol leaves the bathroom, grumbling something about being cold. He makes a beeline for his bedroom to look for a shirt – Baekhyun blushes darkly when he realizes he forgot to give him one earlier. Once Chanyeol is dressed in a large hoodie, he heads for the kitchen and Baekhyun follows behind him, trailing him like a duckling. The older man opens the fridge and pulls out the ice cream carton, checking to see its state. “It’s a little liquid-y,” he says pensively. “But that’s never stopped me before. Wanna share?”

Baekhyun shrugs. He doesn’t mind half-melted ice cream. It still tastes the same, anyway. They take the tube to the couch and sit Indian style, digging into the ice cream with soup spoons because Chanyeol always loses the tiny spoons. 

“What have you been up to today?” Chanyeol asks him. “How long has the power been out?”

“An hour,” Baekhyun answers. “I was playing Overwatch with Jongdae. I was kicking his ass, by the way.”

“Language,” Chanyeol chides. Baekhyun sticks out his tongue. “Where’s your phone? I need to call a tow truck.”

“It was charging when the power went out,” Baekhyun says sadly. “I unplugged it and turned it off just in case so it doesn’t short-circuit.”

Chanyeol hums. He finishes off what’s left of the ice cream and sets the carton down on the coffee table. “Well, there’s nothing much to do. I have books though. You like to read?”

Baekhyun nods. He doesn’t mention how picky he is about his reading. Chanyeol leads him to the back wall of the living room, where he has a bookshelf stashed to its full capacity. There are books that look brand new, not too worn out. And then there are older books, some that look like they’re going to fall apart and some that seem to be Chanyeol’s favourites from the indents on the sides.

“You can pick anything you want,” Chanyeol tells him. The doctor grabs a book by random and skips back to the couch, where he flops down and starts reading. Baekhyun takes a while longer to decide, skimming over the titles and the first few pages of each book before he settles for Alice in Wonderland – classic, easy to read, fun. Just how he likes them.

The power returns three hours later, but by then they have both fallen asleep, the books on their chests and the candle dead on the table.

~

Baekhyun tries not to think too much about tonight. He distracts himself with going to therapy, then the piano lessons at the rec center in the hospital, and then after lunch he walks around with Sunwoo until Chanyeol picks him up. By the time it happens, Baekhyun has managed to drive the plan from his mind. 

“Hey,” Chanyeol greets them both, a happy grin on his face. “Are you ready to go?”

It takes a moment for Baekhyun to understand what he means by that. But when it sinks in, he pales and gapes at his soulmate for a long moment. “Oh crap.”

“Language,” Dr. Kim says as he passes by. 

Sunwoo looks at Baekhyun worriedly yet doesn’t ask. He might be comfortable enough with Baekhyun to have menial conversations, but he still tries to keep as quiet as possible when someone else is around. “I… forgot,” Baekhyun admits.

Chanyeol laughs quietly at his expenses – Baekhyun knows that if they were alone, Chanyeol would be full on cackling. “That’s okay,” Chanyeol tells him. “Come on, we gotta get home and change.”

Baekhyun stands on now shaky legs, mutters a ‘see you later’ to Sunwoo and follows after Chanyeol to the car. They’re halfway out of the hospital when Chanyeol notices Baekhyun is more trailing behind than walking with him. 

“Baekhyun?” he calls. “Are you alright?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, great.” 

Chanyeol stops in his steps, right outside the car, and waits for Baekhyun to notice he hasn’t unlocked the doors. Baekhyun has jiggled the door handle twice when he finally looks up. “What’s wrong?”

“I could ask you the same,” Chanyeol teases, shooting him a kind smile. He finally unlocks the door and climbs in. Baekhyun follows his lead. “So? What’s got you so absentminded?”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath to steel his nerves. “I’m nervous about meeting your parents,” he admits. Chanyeol waits for him to continue and in the meantime, he starts the engine and pulls out of the parking lot. “I know what they’re going to ask. They’re going to ask how we met and how my childhood was and do I get along with my parents and that is not something I’m ready for,” he chokes up. Chanyeol stops his ranting with a soothing hand on his knee.

“Breath,” he reminds him. “I talked to them. I asked them to stay clear of those topics already. I didn’t say why, I just asked them to focus on the present. Okay? You’re going to be just fine, Baek. I promise.”

Baekhyun nods. “Okay,” he whispers. “Thank you.”

Chanyeol squeezes his knee and let’s go to keep both hands on the wheel. They stop shortly for a change of clothes at their apartment – Chanyeol has taken to call it that, _their_ apartment, _our_ place. Baekhyun doesn’t know if its giddiness or anxiousness that’s making him so nauseous everytime he hears it.

They change at lightning speed. Chanyeol ditches his work clothes for some black sweater and slacks and urges Baekhyun to wear the blue dress shirt he bought for him two weeks ago. Baekhyun isn’t too sure about the shirt since it’s a little large for him, the hem falling below the waist, but Chanyeol insists he looks good. The one thing Baekhyun is sure of? Chanyeol had originally bought the shirt for himself; it didn’t fit, so he decided to give it to Baekhyun instead.

They’re out the door in less than ten minutes. Back inside the car, Baekhyun can feel the anxiety rising up his throat once more. In the apartment he felt safe, like the dinner was light years ago, but now they’re on the highway headed for the Park’s residence and everything feels too real all of a sudden. He doesn’t realize he’s hyperventilating until Chanyeol is pulling over at the side of the road. 

“We can turn back, you know?” Chanyeol tells him quietly. “I can call my parents and cancel – they’ll understand.”

A lesser man would be at least a little disappointed. But when Baekhyun turns to look at him, there is nothing but concern on Chanyeol’s face. It helps Baekhyun make his decision.

“No,” he says, decisively. “Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol asks, just to make sure, but he can see Baekhyun has made up his mind.

“I’m sure,” he says.

Chanyeol smiles, pleased with his soulmate for being so brave. He shifts gear and pulls back into the highway.

 

They arrive at the Park residence in fifteen minutes. Baekhyun stares for a minute because while it may not be huge, per se, the house is still larger than Baekhyun is used to and it’s a little intimidating.

They’re greeted at the door by Mr. Park. Baekhyun knows it’s him because he looks just like Chanyeol, height and all, except his hair is greying and there are lines on his forehead. But they have the same ears, the same twinkling eyes and the same deep voices. 

Mrs. Park rounds the corner as soon as she hears their voices and hugs Chanyeol with all her might. Then, when she’s done smothering her son in kisses and reprimands for not calling more often, she turns to Baekhyun and practically swallows him whole in an embrace. Baekhyun isn’t quite sure what to do, because he doesn’t get hugged by mothers very often, and tries to return the hug as best as he can.

“Oh, Baekhyun, it’s so nice to meet you!” she gushes, pulling him back by the arms to look at him. There’s a bright smile on her face, just like her son’s. “We’ve heard so much about you!”

“Really?” Baekhyun asks, although it comes out more of a stutter. Chanyeol avoids his gaze with all his might. Mr. Park shakes his hand and insists that he’s at his service, for anything he might need. 

“Our daughter, Yura, couldn’t make it tonight,” he tells Baekhyun, while Mrs. Park fusses over poor Chanyeol’s hair. “She had to stay home with her kid, nanny bailed on her.”

“That’s too bad,” Baekhyun commiserates, “I was really looking forward to meeting her; Chanyeol talks a lot about his sister.”

And it’s true. It seems as if everytime Chanyeol talks about his family, it’s ninety percent gushing about his sister. Baekhyun has heard so much about her, he has an itch to meet her and put a face to the name.

They’re ushered to the dining room – which has a fucking chandelier – and Baekhyun is promptly sat on one of the chairs. Before his mother can say anything, Chanyeol pointedly sits to his right, the sit closest to the head of the table. Mrs. Park takes a seat right in front of him, leaving Mr. Park to sit at the head. 

The dinner is brought in by a maid, which only serves to prove Baekhyun that the Parks are really loaded. There are plates of chicken, mashed potatoes and many other western dishes Baekhyun can’t properly name – there’s one with peas and something that seems to be drowning in gravy, and they all look delicious enough Baekhyun doesn’t even mind he doesn’t know their names.

Mrs. Park tells them all to dig in, smiling kindly at Baekhyun. “We have a new chef in our restaurant – he’s American and he was kind enough to cook for us tonight. I’d love to tell you the names of each dish but I must admit I’m not quite sure myself.”

“Neither do I,” Baekhyun giggles. Mrs. Park smiles even wider at him, making shooing motions with her hands to get Baekhyun to eat. Mr. Park is quiet on his seat, every once in a while, makes humming sounds to indicate he’s enjoying the food in his plate but otherwise keeping mum. After an hour, all the plates have been cleared and Mrs. Park insists they all go to the living room for dessert – as if Baekhyun could eat anymore. He feels like he might explode and he’s sure he’s not exaggerating when he thinks his pants are tighter than they were when he left the apartment. 

The entire night goes by and at the end Baekhyun isn’t sure if he could narrate half of it. It was all a blur of Mrs. Park pestering her son to come by more often, about his eating habits and whether or not he’s treating Baekhyun right. She seems quite concerned about Baekhyun’s current life style, questioning Chanyeol if he’s keeping him alive on a steady diet of take out. Chanyeol blushes, because most nights they do end up ordering food instead of one of them cooking, even though they are both capable of making a decent meal.

“He’s too pale,” she nags, pointing a finger at Baekhyun, who looks up from his chess match with Mr. Park like a deer caught in headlights. “Take him to the beach, will you?” Chanyeol agrees half-heartedly, if only to get his mother off his case, and manages to change the subject before she can continue on her tandem. He asks her about the restaurant and she literally doesn’t stop talking for five minutes. Baekhyun knows, because it’s the same time Mr. Park took before making his next move.

By the time they’re leaving, Baekhyun has an armful of homemade meals to last them a week and a backpack Mrs. Park procured from the closet, full of gifts she got him before they even met. Baekhyun rifles through it curiously on the car ride home, coming up with fuzzy socks, a sweatshirt with a Soul Eater cartoon on it (really, Baekhyun has no idea how she guessed his favourite anime, but he suspects it has something to do with Chanyeol’s noisiness) and a new mug with Winnie the Pooh drawings. A little childish? Maybe, but Baekhyun absolutely loves it.

He goes to bed that night wearing the socks, the next morning has his coffee on the mug and wears the sweater to the Center, which causes Samuel to gasp and demand to get one too from his mother.

~

It’s Chanyeol’s birthday today and Baekhyun is man enough to admit he’s freaking the fuck out. He didn’t actually find out Chanyeol’s birthday was around the corner until Kyungsoo mentioned it to him in passing when they ran into each other at the hospital, _two days earlier._

So Baekhyun hasn’t had time to even think of something to do. When he voices his worries to Sunwoo, his friend tells him to take it easy. “Dr. Park doesn’t seem like he’d mind if you took him to McDonald’s for his birthday dinner. In fact, that’s my proposal – buy him a happy meal, I’m sure he’d love it.”

But he’s not so sure. Of course, Chanyeol would be happy with anything, Baekhyun _knows_ that because he knows Chanyeol. But Baekhyun would never forgive himself if the first birthday he’s present for is anything but perfect. 

And Baekhyun isn’t just looking at this as a birthday celebration. He sees this as an opportunity to make things up with him, as a sort of thank you for everything Chanyeol has done for him. He also knows that Chanyeol would be scandalized to hear him say such things since he thinks that what he’s doing is what any soulmate would do – and while that might be true, Baekhyun still wants to show his appreciation somehow.

So, he hitches a ride back home from nurse Seulgi, who only smiles when Baekhyun rants about his dilemma to her during the whole trip. Just as he’s getting out of the car, though, she grabs his arm and says, “Chanyeol likes romance movies and Chinese take-out. Throw in some junk food and you’re set for tonight.”

She drives away with a final wink and a wave. Baekhyun stands like an idiot on the sidewalk for a full minute before starting down the block to the movie rental. Sure, they could just use Netflix, but that’s not exactly what Baekhyun has in mind. An idea is starting to form in his head and Baekhyun feels genuinely excited for it. 

He pushes the door open, the little bell above twinkling to announce his entrance. The clerk at the counter looks up from the movie playing on the TV screen mounted on the wall, chirps a monotone greeting, then goes back to the movie.

Baekhyun goes straight for the aisle that reads ‘Romance’. He browses for a few minutes, mentally checking off most titles since they sound corny and cliché. Before he notices, most of the movies are on his ‘no’ list and he’s left with classics like Romeo and Juliet, Grease and West Side Story. He plucks a copy of Grease off the shelve and makes his way to the counter.

He passes the animated section, a past conversation coming to mind. Chanyeol mentioned he likes kid movies, right? Without a second thought, Baekhyun grabs Rapunzel, Hercules and 101 Dalmatians, dumps the four movies in his hands on the counter and ignores the raised eyebrow the clerk sends his way, slapping enough cash on the counter to pay for the rental fee. He leaves the store for the convenience shop across the street, browsing the aisles for the best bets on chips, cookies and ice creams. He also takes a few soda cans before setting his little basket on the cashier. The old man, who sometimes mistakes Baekhyun for Chanyeol and seems to be way too old to be running a business all by himself, is thankfully sane enough today for Baekhyun to pay without a hitch.

As he walks back to the apartment complex, he sends Kyungsoo a text asking him to let him know when Chanyeol leaves for home. He doesn’t bother to see if the message was received or not, dumping the plastic bag with the movies on the couch, putting away the ice creams on the freezer, the sodas on the fridge and the chips on the cupboard and then heading for the bedrooms. He grabs as many blankets as he can carry, drapes them over the furniture in the living room, then gets some more. It takes him a while, but finally he builds a pretty decent blanket fort. Careful not to step over any of the blankets, he goes for his phone.

Just in time, a message dings, and it’s Kyungsoo warning him that Chanyeol is on his way. He plucks the Chinese menu on the fridge and dials the number, place their usual order and goes back to the living room. Baekhyun stands there for a moment, trying to place what’s wrong about the whole thing, turns off the lights and smiles. The sunlight is barely filtering in anymore, casting orange, red and yellowy hues on the living room. Baekhyun has to scavenge for a while, momentarily panicking when he can’t find the package of microwavable popcorn anywhere, until the little bag makes itself known in the bottom drawer. He doesn’t prepare it just yet but leaves it in plain sight.

The take out, miraculously, arrives before Chanyeol does. Baekhyun has just enough time to put their dinner on the kitchen table, pouring two glasses of wine on a whim before Chanyeol is towing his shoes off at the front door, his keys jingling as he struggles to come home and shout a greeting at Baekhyun at the same time.

Baekhyun stands in front of him expectantly, hands clasped behind his back as he sways on his feet. Chanyeol doesn’t seem to notice the fort at first, but it is brought to his attention when Toben crawls out of the blankets to sniff at his feet. Chanyeol’s jaw drops, his eyes sweeping from the blanket fort covering the couch, coffee table and TV to the Chinese dinner sitting on the table. He looks at Baekhyun pointedly when he sees the wine but Baekhyun pointedly ignores him.

“Happy birthday, Chanyeol-ah,” Baekhyun says sincerely. Chanyeol beams in response, tugging Baekhyun in for a hug. They’ve been hugging a lot lately, something Baekhyun isn’t sure he’s happy about or not. He likes the closeness to his soulmate but he’d gone so long without hugging anyone or being hugged, and even though he more often than not would pull away after a beat, this time he lets himself bask in the hug, going as far as standing on his tippy toes to land a kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek after they pull apart. It makes Chanyeol blush and gape cutely. Baekhyun takes one of the plates holding their dinner and motions for Chanyeol to take the other, saying, “Come on.”

They crawl under the fort, settling on the throw pillows and actual pillows Baekhyun had scattered on the floor earlier, putting the plates on the coffee table along with the glasses of wine Chanyeol had precariously held on one hand. Baekhyun has to run out briefly because he forgot the movies, but soon enough he’s back and he’s popping the first movie into the DVD player. 

As he expected, Chanyeol is thrilled at his idea, leaning his back on the couch behind them and digs into his Chow Mein like a starved man. Baekhyun is happy enough to just eat and watch Rapunzel, but Chanyeol – of course – takes it upon himself to sing along to all the songs and insists Baekhyun joins him too. Baekhyun has to admit he doesn’t even know the title of any of the songs, let alone the lyrics, except for the one about the lights. Chanyeol still looks overly-joyed when Baekhyun sings with him, though. He claims he only did it because the wine affected him, to which Chanyeol confiscates what’s left on Baekhyun’s glass and pointedly hands him a glass of apple juice from the fridge.

The movie ends and Baekhyun takes the chance to get up to make the popcorn and fetch the snacks while Chanyeol chooses another movie. The opening scene for Grease greets him when he gets back to the fort. These he actually knows quite well, because when he was in the fifth grade his class did a play of Grease and he was never able to forget the lyrics. He even does a pretty good impression as Danny Zuko – he _played_ Danny Zuko. He still remembers some of the lines and most of the facial expressions and it’s not until they’re at the middle of the movie that he notices that Chanyeol has been watching him instead of the screen all this time.

“Watch the movie,” Baekhyun grumbles, shoving cold popcorn into his mouth. Chanyeol laughs and complies. He doesn’t do the lines again, but he can’t stop his face from pulling itself into strange expressions right on cue, which both serves to exasperate him as well as entertain Chanyeol. Toben sneaks in, makes a little nest for himself on one of the throw pillows on the floor and snores for the rest of the movie.

Baekhyun pops in 101 Dalmatians next, dreading already having to see Cruella de Vil. As a kid, he used to be scared to death by her - he knew that anyone crazy enough to want to make fur coats out of puppies was someone who needed serious help. But at least he enjoys the movie itself more than he thought he would, so there’s that. His favourite part must be, however, when Chanyeol holds Toben to his chest while glaring at the screen.

“Don’t worry, Toben-ah,” Baekhyun hears him mutter into Toben’s fur. “I won’t let the evil lady get to you.” Baekhyun smothers his laugh with potato chips, although he probably isn’t too successful considering the glare Chanyeol sends his way. Baekhyun grins at him and returns his attention to the movie. He’s eyelids are growing heavy by the end and judging by how Chanyeol’s head keeps bobbing up and down, he’s sleepy too.

The next movie, they don’t make it to the middle. They both fall asleep, having moved to the couch at the end of Grease, slumped over each other with Cheeto’s dust on their finger – which Toben licks off at some point. 

~

2:45 am.

Baekhyun sighs and rolls over in bed, turning to face the window instead of the clock. His eyes feel heavy and his limbs feel like they’re filled with lead, but he can’t bring himself to fall asleep. There’s a lot going through his mind, _too much_.

He keeps thinking about his parents. His mom, in particular, but his dad keeps popping in. Not his stepfather, but his dad. He doesn’t remember him very well, just the ghost of a smile, the smell of his cologne and his strong hands holding Baekhyun up over his head when he was a kid. He remembers their last Christmas together – more specifically, he remembers how he and Baekbeom argued over the existence of Santa and his dad had sat a pouty Baekhyun on his lap and told him not to listen to his brother, because he knew from good sources that Santa was, in fact, real and Baekhyun just happened to be one of his favourite kids in Seoul. It served to make Baekhyun giggle in delight and then run to where his brother was playing Starcraft to gloat about it.

Unexpectedly, tears start filling his eyes. This is the first time in years he’s allowed himself to linger in thoughts about him and he’s paying the price. Baekhyun sniffs, shakes his head in an attempt to clear his mind, to no avail. Before he realizes, he’s sobbing into his pillow. He doesn’t even know if he’s crying because he’s sad or if he’s angry or frustrated – he just knows that he’s feeling things and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.

Baekhyun doesn’t know how long he lies there, but he eventually gets fed up and wills himself to stop. It takes a few minutes; his cries wear off into sniffles and hiccups until he’s done. Then, he kicks off the covers and rushes to the bathroom.

He almost slips to the floor on his haste to get there as quietly as possible. Baekhyun doesn’t even bother to turn on the light, so the room is illuminated only from the moonlight streaming in through the tiny window in the shower. He tries to open the tab to wash his face but his hands are shaking too much for him to even grasp the handle. Belatedly he realizes that he can’t breathe.

“No,” he whispers in dread. “No, no, no…”

Baekhyun slides to the floor, knees drawn to his chest and both hands clutching the lower half of his face. He’s feeling it now, the stuttering of his heart, his lungs fighting to take in enough air, his pulse racing and the nausea making bile rise up his throat. Baekhyun cries, salty tears hitting the ground and wetting his face, yet he doesn’t make a move to stop them.

The bathroom door opens and artificial light floods the bathroom. Baekhyun shuts his eyes closed and wills himself to disappear. Oh, how he wishes he could just fucking disappear so he doesn’t have to look at Chanyeol, see how disappointed he must be that Baekhyun is acting like this, how disgusted he must be at his soulmate and Baekhyun just wants to fade away, he feels so fucking wretched and small and useless –

“Baekhyunnie,” hands grasp his, gently pulling them away from his face. They’re balled into fists still, but Chanyeol pries at his fingers, patient, until his hands have gone lax. He laces their fingers together. “It’s me. Hey, come on. Open your eyes.”

Baekhyun doesn’t want to. He can’t bring himself to do it, doesn’t want to see Chanyeol because he knows what he’s going to find and Baekhyun wants to stay in the little bubble he’s created for himself where Chanyeol loves him and isn’t disappointed or disgusted or finds him pathetic or any of the awful little things his brain keeps whispering to him.

“Hey,” Chanyeol whispers again, rubbing the back of his hands with his thumbs. “Let me help you.”

 _I know what you’re thinking_ , Chanyeol tells him through their bond. _It’s not true_.

After some coaxing, Chanyeol whispering gentle encouragement both through their bond and spoken, never once letting go of his hands, Baekhyun opens his eyes. He has to blink a couple of times to get rid of the tears sticking to his eyelashes as well as get used to the light but soon enough what used to be a blurry sight becomes Chanyeol’s worried face. Chanyeol is sitting not two feet in front of him, his hair is still a mess from his pillow and there’s a red mark on his cheek, like he fell asleep on his arm or face. The sight of him immediately sends a flood of relief through Baekhyun’s body.

“Hyung,” Baekhyun says, although it comes out as more of a whimper. After the relief he’s assaulted by exhaustion, something he’d forgotten happened to him after a panic attack. He slumps forward and lands right on Chanyeol, his head on his shoulder. “I… I’m so sorry, hyung.”

Chanyeol hushes him gently, rubbing his hand up and down his back. “Why? There’s nothing to be sorry about, Baek. It’s okay, I’m right here.”

It takes some more time before Baekhyun is fully calm. Chanyeol talks to him through it, be it reminders to breath in and out deeply because he starts hyperventilating or simple, menial sentences that come to mind to help distract him from his own thoughts, Chanyeol never stops talking. He only stops once Baekhyun has fallen asleep on his shoulder, the tension in his body ebbing away and leaving him manoeuvrable enough for Chanyeol to scoop him up in his arms and carry him to bed.

Chanyeol lays him down and covers him up with his blanket. He takes a moment to look at his soulmate, their bond tightening between them; Baekhyun looks so small, his face is swollen, red and there are dry tear marks on his cheeks – but Chanyeol still feels nothing but love and affection and the desperate need to help his soulmate, to make sure these nights become as far and few in between as possible. He still thinks Baekhyun is the most beautiful human being he’s ever seen, ever will see.

He returns to his own room, sliding under the covers and pulling his blanket up to his forehead. He hasn’t been in bed for more than five minutes when his door creaks open, soft footsteps make their way to him and Baekhyun is crawling under the blanket with him without a sound. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything either, lets Baekhyun get comfortable and waits to hear for the younger boy’s breathing to even out before he allows himself to smile into the bedsheets.

~

When Jongdae wants something, he never stops at anything until he gets it. When they were kids, Jongdae used to drive his mother and their teachers crazy with how stubborn he could be and the trait only worsened as he grew.

It shows in the way he’s been pestering Baekhyun for two weeks to meet up with him. he insists that he just wants to see him, maybe invite Yeri and Jongin along, but if he prefers it’s just the two of them that’s _fine_ and totally understandable and Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do with himself because while he would love to see his best friend again, would love to see their old bandmates and to see Jongin, to make things right with him and try to rebuild their friendship, Baekhyun is too ashamed. Ashamed of the way he and Jongin parted the last time, ashamed of the way he disappeared without a word to his friends before the competition they’d worked so hard for, ashamed of being such a coward.

Chanyeol is supportive of the idea, offers to drive him to and from, even to stay in the near vicinity just in case Baekhyun feels overwhelmed and wants to go home. And while it’s nice to have him around, to know Chanyeol is more than willing to literally wait in the car for hours if that’s what it takes to help Baekhyun feel better, it doesn’t sit right with Baekhyun. 

He accepts the offer of the ride, accepts when Chanyeol says he’ll be around, but makes sure to be completely clear when he tells the older man that he should entertain himself in the arcade or go to the movies instead of sitting in a park bench like he’d mentioned he might do. Once they reach an agreement, Baekhyun texts Jongdae and asks him to invite the others, too. Jongdae replies with eager emojis and a string of exclamation points before setting a date, time and place – Saturday, four pm at Yeri’s place. Jongdae says her parents are away for the weekend and she offered her place.

Baekhyun pockets his phone after that with a shaky sigh, breathing in and out in an attempt to calm his nerves. Chanyeol offers him a cup of tea with a knowing smile.

 

Saturday arrives too soon and yet so slow. As soon as he wakes up, Baekhyun is a mess of nerves. When Chanyeol asks him how he’s feeling over breakfast, Baekhyun replies stoically with, “my anxieties have anxieties.”

It was meant to be a joke, despite everything, but Chanyeol doesn’t laugh. He opens his arms in a silent invitation, which Baekhyun takes up without a fuss. He rests his head on Chanyeol’s chest, lets the older man prop his chin on the crown of his head, breathing in his soulmate, the aftershave and the soap he uses, easing his heart if only for the time being. Ever since that night Baekhyun had a panic attack – no doubt brought on by the nearness of Christmas and the sudden thoughts of his late father –, Baekhyun has been relying on Chanyeol even more than he used to. He’s discovered that while meds and breathing work just fine, just being near his soulmate bring him a sense of comfort and safety he hasn’t felt since he was a kid. Sometimes he feels bad, thinks he’s annoying Chanyeol with how many times he’s asked for a hug or hand-holding – and even the occasional cuddle session but only when he’s tired and desperately needs to relax so he can fall asleep. Yet Chanyeol does it all with a smile, sometimes a loving one, sometimes a concerned one, but always a smile and always tugging on their bond, choosing to show him how he feels that way instead of speaking. He also likes to calm him through music, humming random tunes he’d hear on the radio during the day through their bond until Baekhyun falls asleep.

And it works just right this time. Baekhyun can finally breathe again, taking in one lungful of air after the other until he no longer feels dizzy. Chanyeol rubs his back and hums, but in real life this time, because the vibrations are helpful during an attack. He doesn’t stop until Baekhyun is breathing regularly and isn’t trembling anymore, but even then, they stay the way they are. Baekhyun is comfortable like this and Chanyeol is selfish enough to savour every second of having his soulmate in his arms because he wants to and not because he needs it.

 

Yeri’s house is in a different neighbourhood than Baekhyun’s. She lives in a classy, modern street; her home is actually three stories tall, the last floor reserved for her and it works as a bedroom and also as their band’s former practice area. Baekhyun remembers her room used to be a mess, both pink and black, her parent’s sweet princess as well as the punk rock girl she wanted to be. Jongin used to poke fun at her all the time for it, usually getting hit upside the head in response. Baekhyun has to smile at the memory of their banters, since they were one of the best parts of band practice.

Chanyeol parks his car on the curve and turns off the engine, ignoring the confused glance Baekhyun sends his way as he gets out of the car. He’d promised Baekhyun to wait at the mall but never said anything about walking him to the door. Chanyeol himself rings the doorbell when they reach the house Baekhyun pointed out as Yeri’s when they drove past and then clasps his hands behind his back. Baekhyun scoffs, rolling his eyes even if he feels warm inside at the support Chanyeol is showing him right now.

Yeri swings the door open, her jaw slackening momentarily at the sight of Chanyeol before schooling her expression back to careful interest. She looks just like Baekhyun remembers her; dirty blonde hair, albeit shorter now than it was months ago when they last saw each other, dressed in a black short-sleeved shirt and white denim pants, chewing gum in the most obnoxious way possible because she knows it drives people mad.

“Hey,” she greets them, stepping back and letting the door open wider. “Come on in.”

So far, she hasn’t shown any negative emotions towards Baekhyun. She hasn’t shown any positive emotions towards him either. Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to think too much because Jongdae comes barrelling down the stairs, screaming his hello’s and dragging an exasperate Jongin behind him. Baekhyun does his best to avoid his eye.

“You’re Baekhyun oppa’s soulmate, correct?” Yeri asks Chanyeol directly, not one to beat around the bush. She thrusts her hand out, “I’m Kim Yeri.”

“Hi,” Chanyeol shakes her hand. “I’m Park Chanyeol. I’m just here to drop him off.”

Before Baekhyun can react, Chanyeol is waving goodbye and walking out the door. Baekhyun stares after him with a slight hint of betrayal before he’s shaken out of his thoughts by Jongdae’s, “Guess who turned out to be Yeri’s soulmate?”

Baekhyun looks at him expectantly. Jongdae’s lazy grin widens and he darts his eyes to Jongin before settling back on Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s jaw drops. “I fucking knew it.”

 

The rest of the evening is as easy as breathing. The four of them settle back into their old routines, which consisted mostly of Baekhyun and Jongdae teasing Jongin and Yeri, Yeri rolling her eyes at them as she texted Sooyoung about dumb boys and Jongin blushing to the tip of his ears. This time, however, they get to say things like “we totally saw this coming” and “this person and that person owes me ten bucks”, and those comments do receive the desired reaction that is Yeri getting flustered. It makes Baekhyun and Jongdae cackle in unison when Yeri grumbles and gets up with the excuse of getting something to drink after their third rendition of “Kiss the girl.”

Jongin doesn’t say much during the whole thing, staring between Baekhyun and Yeri like he’s waiting for either of them to jump up and bite him. Finally, Baekhyun has enough and asks Jongdae as politely as possible, “Can you give some time alone with Jonginnie, please?”

Jongdae’s smile changes into something tamer, warmer and he leaves with a wave. Once they’re alone, Baekhyun takes a minute to gather his ideas. He has a general outline of what he wants to say to Jongin, but the details are blurry and chunky and Baekhyun is afraid he’s going to sound like a middle schooler. 

“I’m sorry about the way I handled things,” he says as a starter. “I knew, for a long time, that you were… crushing on me, or maybe you were in love with me.” Baekhyun knows it was the latter, but somehow admitting to it is a million times worse. “I knew and I tried to ignore it. I pretended like it wasn’t real because I didn’t know what to do with that. I didn’t know how to deal with your liking me because in my head that seemed like the most far-fetched idea and I was scared that if I were to confront you about it, I’d be wrong and you’d laugh at me.

“I was even more afraid of being right,” he continues, “Because I didn’t feel the same. I didn’t want to have to reject you. I didn’t want to be the responsible one. I didn’t want to break your heart. I know now that I was hurting you more by leading you on than I would have had I simply sat you down and let you down gently. But the thing I regret the most was the way we parted. I shouldn’t have introduced you to Chanyeol the way I did. I was in a really bad place and I know that’s no excuse for my behaviour but in my head, it seemed like the only way for me to reject you without having to say it out loud. I’m really sorry, Jongin-ah, and I hope you can forgive me.”

When Baekhyun is done talking, he takes a deep breath and looks expectantly at Jongin. He’d expected to see him angry or upset, but instead he looks a little happy, perhaps even proud. 

“If this conversation had happened months ago,” Jongin says, “I probably would have cried and been a mess. But we haven’t spoken in six months and the distance has given me some time to think about my feelings. I really was in love with you, hyung, and I’ll admit that what you did that morning was shitty and hurt like hell. But after that… Yeri and I figured things out. And we’re happy now. _I’m_ happy now. The only love I feel for you right now is the same love I have for Jongdae hyung or my sisters. I guess… that means I forgive you. Maybe not for breaking my heart the way you did that day, but I forgive not wanting to let me down. Water under the bridge, yeah?”

Baekhyun releases a sigh and he feels his chest loosen up. He smiles at Jongin, relieved, and gets an equal smile in response. Afterwards, the afternoon goes by a lot smoother. They play videogames in Yeri’s console, none of them holding a candle to her at Smash Bros. but still beating her right out of the park at Mortal Kombat. She pouts when she loses for the third time in a row and only grins again when Jongin plants a smooch on her cheek. It’s disgustingly endearing and it has both Baekhyun and Jongdae throwing pillows and stuffed animals at them until they break apart.

Somehow, yet completely expected, they end up having a little jam session in what used to be their band’s practice room. Baekhyun is pleased to find his old keyboard is still there, along with his acoustic guitar. He remembers leaving them right there the last time he was here, worried his stepfather would try to sell them for money, but he didn’t think Yeri would keep them for so long. When he asks her about it, she shrugs, pops a bubble gum and says, “Why not?”

They play their old music – songs Baekhyun and Jongdae would compose instead of pay attention in Math class, lyrics scribbled in torn sheets of paper and in the back of notebooks. Most of the lyrics would end up looked over by Yeri, perfectioned, some lines crossed out to be replaced with a smoother transition or better rhymes until all four were satisfied with the end result. 

One of the songs is particularly touchy for Baekhyun. It’s the one he wrote when he was fifteen, around his father’s anniversary. They hesitate when the recorded demo starts playing over the surround system but Baekhyun is the first to strum the chords on his guitar and it’s enough to get them all into it.

They make a great band, if Baekhyun is being honest. With Yeri at the drums, Jongin playing the bass, Jongdae in vocals with his electric guitar – the one he begged his mom for three months to buy for him – and Baekhyun as back-up vocals with his acoustic and sometimes his keyboard, they don’t sound half bad. 

Baekhyun is suddenly struck with nostalgia over their busking business, countless evenings spent in the streets of Seoul, playing in random corners and at small concerts in cafes and music festivals. Those were the definite highlights of Baekhyun’s teenage life and he misses them. But he wouldn’t go back. He wouldn’t go back because he was miserable back then, living with his abusive stepfather, counting the money to attempt to buy decent groceries and most importantly, he didn’t know Chanyeol. So yeah, he misses playing with his band, but he wouldn’t give up what he has right now for anything.

He only asks Chanyeol to pick him up again when it’s nearing midnight and Yeri has yawned three times in a minute. She invites them to stay the night, but Baekhyun declines because he has errands in the morning – he doesn’t like calling breakfast with Sunwoo errands but he’s also not ready to talk about the Center just yet – and sneaks out of the house with Jongdae in tow when Chanyeol texts him to let him know he’s outside.

They part ways because Yifan is there too to pick his soulmate up. Baekhyun smiles and waves in his direction, makes a beeline for Chanyeol’s car before he freezes to death in the cold December air.

“You look happy,” Chanyeol notes, amusement tinging his words. He pulls out of Yeri’s driveway and into the road, leaves one hand on the steering wheel and places the other on Baekhyun’s knee, giving him a gentle squeeze. His hand is warm where it’s splayed over Baekhyun and it makes his skin tingle. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun sighs, letting his hand hit the headrest of his seat. “I talked to Jongin – he and Yeri are soulmates, which, by the way, I fucking called it. He and I are cool now. I apologized for the things that happened and he said he forgives me.”

“I’m proud of you, Baekhyun-ah,” Chanyeol tells him. He sounds as sincere as humanly possible. Chanyeol tears his gaze away from the road for a second to lock eyes with Baekhyun and smiles at him, lovingly, his eyes conveying every word he doesn’t know how to express.

Baekhyun hopes his own eyes do the same for him, too. “Thank you, hyung.”

~

Chanyeol sets up a Skype account just for this occasion. He never needed one before, his parents and sister just a phone call away and all his friends right around the corner - literally, Kyungsoo's flat two blocks up from Chanyeol's. 

So, when Baekhyun asks him if he has one, Chanyeol shakes his head in confusion, not looking up from the vegetables he's diligently chopping on the board. "Why? You need one?"

Baekhyun doesn't answer for some time, fiddles quietly with the hem of his sleep shirt until Chanyeol puts down the knife and turns around to face him. "Baekhyun ah," he prompts, "do you need a Skype account?"

"Well," Baekhyun says, drops his shirt and instead starts to pick at a loose thread on his sweatpants. "It's just. I was thinking I could call my brother. See how he's doing."

"Ah," Chanyeol says understandingly, "I'll get it tomorrow morning then, alright?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun nods. He's excited, a grin threatening to split his face. He's not used to this sort of bubbly feeling in his chest. "Thanks, hyung. Need any help with dinner?"

"Take the bread out of the oven, will you?"

So Chanyeol does just that. The next morning is his day off, a usually lazy Thursday, but today he gets out of bed early and starts the coffee pot, pops some bread slices on the toaster and fishes his personal laptop from the depths of the couch. By the time Baekhyun is shuffling out of his bedroom, hair dishevelled and face puffy with sleep, Chanyeol already has everything ready to go.

"Do you have your brother's username?" Chanyeol asks him as a way of greeting. Baekhyun halts in his step, toast hanging out of his mouth, halfway to the living room. Toben, who'd been eagerly yipping at his toes, has to screech to a stop too. Chanyeol grins at his dumbfounded expression. "So? Do you?"

"Uh," is all Baekhyun seems able to say. "Yeah. He texted it to me after he moved to the States."

"Great!" Chanyeol turns back to his laptop, clicks on the search bar and waits for Baekhyun to fetch his phone from his bedroom. "Write it here."

Baekhyun types in the username his brother gave him. They try calling but the call ends with no response. Before Baekhyun can even begin to frown dejectedly, Chanyeol suggests they leave him a message.

Baekhyun thinks before he starts writing. He doesn't know what to say, beyond his name and a request to call him back, but Chanyeol assures him it's enough for now. 

They bum around for the rest of the day. They watch TV and eat take out. At four pm, they take Toben out for a walk, Baekhyun’s hand practically engulfed in Chanyeol’s much larger one. Neither of them can stop thinking about it for the rest of the evening. 

When they get back home, Baekhyun is busy untangling Toben and himself from the leash while Chanyeol goes right ahead to check for new emails. But the first thing to catch his attention is the new Skype notification in his desktop.

"Hey, Baek!" Chanyeol calls out, "your brother answered."

When asked, Baekhyun denies having tripped over Toben in his haste to reach the living room. "Really?"

"Yeah, right here, see?" Chanyeol points to his screen, where there's a reply to the message Baekhyun typed earlier today. It's basically just a time and date for them to talk, in Korean standard time so Baekhyun doesn't have to rack his brain to figure out time zones.

Tomorrow at nine am.

Suddenly, Baekhyun is starting to feel anxious over the call. He hasn't talked to his brother in a long time- properly talked, not just random texts to congratulate each other on graduations or the mandatory holiday greetings - and it's starting to make his skin itch in nervousness.

Chanyeol reads over his shoulder while Baekhyun shoots back an okay message, pats his thigh in encouragement and gets up to make dinner, leaving Baekhyun alone with his thoughts.

 

The next morning, Chanyeol doesn't want to leave. He claims he doesn't want his soulmate's brother to think he's rude or that he doesn't want to meet him but Baekhyun knows he's just worried about Baekhyun. 

"I'll be fine," Baekhyun stresses the last word, rolling his eyes as he pushes Chanyeol out of their apartment. Chanyeol splutters and protests, puts a hand flat on the door when Baekhyun tries to close it behind him, and argues some more.

Baekhyun sighs. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Standing on his tip toes, Baekhyun plants a kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek. Taking advantage of his momentary distraction, Baekhyun shoots him a final goodbye and closes the door on his face. 

Baekhyun ignores the heat traveling from his face to his neck and walks back to the couch, where he has Skype already open. Baekbeom won't be calling for another hour but Baekhyun isn't taking any chances. As a pre-emptive measure, he clicks on a random Spotify playlist and lets the music wash over the apartment. It's very _Chanyeol_ , the playlist, all soft tunes and romantic lyrics. It brings Baekhyun a sense of comfort, as most Chanyeol things do.

He watches the morning news if only to have something to distract him while the hours go by. Toben dozes on and off by his feet, every once in a while, shuffling around to get more comfortable before he settles down. Baekhyun isn’t too awake either and his bed so nearby isn’t helping, but every time he feels tempted to crawl back under his covers, he only has to remind himself his brother promised to call on time and Baekhyun would be damned if he misses that call.

At nine am on the clock Baekhyun hears the Skype ringtone blasting through the laptop’s speakers. He excitedly scoots closer to the coffee table and hits the answer option without a second thought.

His brother appears on screen with little static. Baekbeom is an adult now, no doubt about that, yet he still looks exactly like Baekhyun remembers him – meaning, they look exactly alike. Baekbeom even has the same boxy smile, which he’s sporting right now.

“Hyung!” Baekhyun exclaims, his face nearly splitting in two with his smile. “Hi!”

“Hey, kiddo,” Baekbeom chuckles, waving at Baekhyun through the webcam. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good,” Baekhyun says, nodding. “It’s a little early for me but it’s alright. What about you?”

His brother shrugs. “I’m alright. I got a promotion at work last month – it means more hours but it also means a better pay. Is there anything new at home? Where are you, by the way? Did you guys move houses and didn’t tell me?”

Baekhyun’s smile falters. He doesn’t know where to even start. He’s not sure Baekbeom knows about everything that went down between he and their stepfather – Baekhyun never mentioned he had problems with him and he knows his mother sure as hell didn’t tell him. Baekhyun doesn’t look forward to this particular conversation.

“I’m living with my soulmate,” Baekhyun confesses, blushing when Baekbeom raises his eyebrows in surprise. “His name is Park Chanyeol. He’s at work right now but only because I pushed him out the door. He really wanted to meet you.” 

“Tell him I want to meet him too,” Baekbeom asks. “Since when are you two living together? When did you meet him? Dear lord, Baekhyunnie, when?! You never tell me anything,” he pouts. Baekhyun feels bad but he also can’t help but giggle at his brother’s expression – twenty-five-year olds look weird pouting.

“We’ve been living together since June,” Baekhyun says. “We also met… in June.”

He explains everything to Baekbeom, from the fights and the yelling to the domestic abuse and his depression. He tries to spare him of the most gruesome details, although he kn0ws Baekbeom gets the whole picture. When Baekhyun is done, fidgeting with his sleep shirt and not meeting his brother’s eyes, Baekbeom releases a deep sigh and says, “I’m so sorry, Hyunnie.”

Baekhyun shrugs. He’s not feeling too comfortable right now, knowing he’s under his brother’s pitying gaze; there’s pressure behind his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

“I left you,” Baekbeom whispers. He sounds terribly guilty and remorseful. “I thought we had it bad back then and I left as soon as I got the chance and I didn’t take you with me – I should have taken you with me -”

“Hyung,” Baekhyun interrupts, cutting Baekbeom off before he can continue to blame himself. “It isn’t your fault. It’s not mine either. I’ve been going to therapy and sure, it’s not like things are _perfect_ but. They’re better now. Chanyeol saved me, that night, and he’s been a lifesaver ever since. I’m in good hands now and that’s all that matters. I’d rather we focus on the present and future instead of dwell in the past. Can we please just… I don’t know, forget it happened? Or at least move on?”

Baekbeom clearly isn’t very convinced but Baekhyun uses the full force of his puppy eyes ad Baekbeom is a goner. He sighs. “Fine. Tell me about your soulmate, then. What’s he like?”

Baekhyun smiles. This is something he can do. “He’s a psychiatrist. He works as the head doctor at a mental institution for teenagers – that’s where I attend therapy. Oh! This is Toben,” Baekhyun lifts Toben to showcase him in front of the camera, takes a paw in his hands and waves it around, “he’s Chanyeol’s dog. Um, he’s eight years older than, but I swear he acts like he’s five sometimes. What?” he asks. Baekbeom is looking at him stupidly fond.

“You look happy,” is Baekbeom’s easy response. “I’m happy for you, Baek.”

“I am happy,” Baekhyun admits. 

Baekbeom turns serious all of a sudden. “There is one thing that’s bothering me, though. What about mom? Have you heard from her?”

Baekhyun scowls. “No. Not since I moved out.”

“How did she take it?” Baekbeom asks.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun shrugs. “I took my stuff when she was at work. I haven’t since her.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell her you were leaving?!” Baekbeom demands. He’s angry.

Baekhyun frowns. “If she wanted to talk to me, she would have called. I think it’s pretty obvious I took my phone with me.”

“Baek, think about it,” Baekbeom says slowly. “Our stepfather is the biggest asshole in the face of South Korea,” he stresses, “do you really think he would have let her call you? Who knows what he’s been telling her in the past six months?”

“Oh,” Baekhyun whispers. “I didn’t think about it that way.”

Does this mean Baekhyun has been mad at his mom for no reason? Baekbeom is right, who knows what lies their stepfather has been feeding his mom – she might haven’t called because she thinks he’s dead. 

“I should call her,” Baekhyun panics. “Right now.”

“Does she have her own cell phone now?” Baekbeom asks. Baekhyun shakes his head. “Then don’t call the house, he might pick up and you could get in trouble. And don’t call her work either; you know her boss is friends with the asshole.”

Friends? Baekhyun remembers her boss introducing them to each other at his father’s anniversary. It makes his stomach churn in distaste and anger.

“Look, it’s almost Christmas,” Baekbeom tells him. “Our stepfather always spends Christmas eve at a bar – go home when he’s not there and talk to her in person, alright?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Thank you, hyung.”

Baekbeom smiles. “No problem. But I gotta go now,” he says apologetically. “I have an early shift tomorrow and I still have a report to do for Monday. But let’s talk again soon, yeah? Saturday sound good?”

“Yeah, Saturday is great!” Baekhyun agrees excitedly. Baekbeom grins back with the same enthusiasm. They say their goodbyes and hang up. Baekhyun feels giddy for the rest of the day and keeps having to stifle his giggles into Toben’s fur and his hoodie.

That’s how Chanyeol finds him, cuddled under a blanket on the couch and smiling stupidly at the TV screen. “Good talk?”

“Mhmm,” Baekhyun smiles. “I really missed him. We’re talking again on Saturday – you should join us. He said he wants to meet you.”

Chanyeol approves nervously, his smile a little shaky. Baekhyun thinks it’s cute he wants to make a good impression that bad. It means he’s serious about Baekhyun and the thought is… exhilarating and it makes his heart race.

“Alright, then,” Baekhyun nods. Then he pats the space next to him on the couch and says, “Here, I’m watching Mr. Peabody again.”

~

The hospital, despite being a mental health facility, clearly knows how to throw a party. Baekhyun was reluctant to go, thinking it would be some sort of depressing shit with party balloons on the walls and a sad dessert table with three different types of pastries, but he’s proven wrong the moments he steps foot into the cafeteria. 

His face must show his surprise, because Chanyeol laughs at him and tugs him in the direction of where some of the other doctors are to say hello. To be honest, however, Baekhyun doesn’t really pay that much attention to the greetings sent his way, mumbling his own half-assedly. His attention is on the decoration.

The first thing Baekhyun noticed when they walked in was the Christmas tree. It’s huge, tall enough to reach the ceiling, decorated in blue and silver. The fairy lights twinkle along to the music playing softly in the background and there are gifts on the bottom of the tree. It serves to explain why the Secret Santa committee (aka Somi and Daehwi) had been on his ass all week about his present. Supposedly, each therapy group had their own exchange instead of it being hospital-wide, to make it easier on the buying, and Baekhyun briefly wonders who’s going to gift him. He also wonders if Justin will like his gift.

There is a dessert table at the back of the room, with all sorts of treats piled on top. There are at least five different cakes, all of different flavours and decorated with Christmas-y themes; there are plates bursting with gingerbread men and tiny caramel sticks wrapped in transparent paper and cinnamon rolls. There’s a cooler at the end of the table, and Baekhyun spies one of the nurses propping it open and fishing out a bottle of cider. He also catches a glimpse of sparkling champagne and multiple soda cans. He’s pretty sure over half the patients aren’t allowed to have sugary drinks but he guesses it has something to do with it being the holidays and everything.

Baekhyun excuses himself as soon as there’s a lull in the conversation much to Chanyeol’s – and the others – amusement. He seeks out Sunwoo, because half his mind is thinking how the poor kid must be freaking out with the amount of people in the room but Baekhyun can’t find him anywhere.

He does find Hyunjoon though, leaning against a wall and people-watching. Not really something Baekhyun thought he’d find him doing, but Hyunjoon has been surprising him quite a lot lately. 

“If you’re looking for Sunwoo,” Hyunjoon says as his way of greeting, not taking his eyes off the crowd. “He’s in our room. You just missed him.”

“You two are roommates?” he asks, though it sounds a bit like an exclamation. It’s not that he’s shocked that Sunwoo has a roommate, it makes sense to push him out of his comfort zone, but he didn’t think they would put him with Hyunjoon. He doesn’t have anything against the kid, but Hyunjoon can be quite blunt, sometimes even mean, whether he notices or not. If it were up to Baekhyun, he would have roomed Sunwoo with someone like Jinyoung – sweet, quiet, nice. 

Hyunjoon snorts. “Don’t sound so surprised. Room 104, just knock and he’ll let you in.”

Baekhyun thanks him and scurries off, pushing past the throng of people until he reaches the double doors leading off to the hallway. It’s a lot quieter outside of the cafeteria and Baekhyun is thankful for that. He rides the elevator up to the second floor and walks aimlessly for a while. He honestly doesn’t know where Sunwoo’s room is or if he even is on the right floor, but for now he just lets himself enjoy the silence.

He runs into one of the nurses when he rounds the corner. Kim Mingyu is still attending college, starting his psych rotation to get his degree in Nursing and is one of the nicest people Baekhyun has met. Sure, all the nurses are nice, but most of them have pity in their eyes when they look at the patients. Not Mingyu, though; not even when someone has a relapse or something terribly wrong goes with treatment and the depressed kids fall off the wagon, he never looks at anyone with sadness. He’s always cheery, always brightening up other people’s days. Baekhyun really likes him for that.

“Oh, hey, Baekhyun!” Mingyu waves, clicking the cap on his pen. That’s something Baekhyun has noticed about him - he always has a pen in hand and is always clicking it. “Shouldn’t you be at the party?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun admits. “But I’m looking for Sunwoo. I, ah,” he trails off, patting his backpack awkwardly. “I have a gift for him and I know he doesn’t like to be the center of attention so I thought it’d be better to give it to him in private.”

Mingyu beams like he’s the fucking sun. Baekhyun is momentarily blinded. “That’s very sweet of you. But I’m afraid you’re on the wrong building.”

Baekhyun flushes red at the realization. It’s only then he remembers that the dorms are on the building opposite the cafeteria, and that this building holds mostly meeting rooms and offices. Mingyu pats his back and offers to walk him to Sunwoo’s room, but Baekhyun waves his and says, “No, that’s alright, really. I don’t want to keep you.”

Mingyu doesn’t argue, maybe because he knows Baekhyun hates to feel like he’s not trusted to do things on his own. The first week he attended therapy, most nurses and doctors didn’t seem to leave him alone for a second, which resulted in him exploding Friday evening and snapping at Chanyeol, of all people, that he could perfectly go wait for him in the car, alone and that he didn’t need a fucking babysitter. Needless to say, he’s been left mostly alone since then.

Baekhyun arrives to Sunwoo’s dorm fairly quickly. He knows on the door twice and waits patiently. When Sunwoo opens the door, his eyes widen comically, like he can’t quite believe his eyes. Baekhyun grins. “Can I come in?”

Sunwoo stammers out a reply and stands back. Baekhyun steps in, making a beeline for the chair at the desk against the window and discards his backpack by his feet. He’s never been in one of the dorm rooms before and he takes his time looking around: there are twin beds pushed across from each other against the walls; two desks, one by the window and the other on the left side of the door; and two closets on the remaining wall. It’s nice, a lot like a college dorm would look like instead of a mental hospital room.

From the looks of it, the desk Baekhyun is at is Sunwoo’s. He can tell because there are colouring pencils scattered around and sheets of white paper stacked on top of each other. Which reminds him why he’s there in the first place.

“I got something for you,” he blurts out, effectively startling Sunwoo out of whatever trance he’d been in. Baekhyun fishes around his backpack for a second and then he’s pulling out Sunwoo’s gift. He hands it over with a big smile and a, “Merry Christmas.”

Sunwoo blushes redder than a tomato and stutters around his thank you. Baekhyun only grins wider. He watches Sunwoo tear the wrapping paper with care and waits with baited breath for him to say something. 

“You told me once you prefer to paint with aquarelles,” he rambles when Sunwoo still doesn’t say anything. His insecurities, which had placated over the past few months, rise up with a vengeance the longer Sunwoo goes without talking. Baekhyun is biting his lip raw when Sunwoo finally tears his gaze from the box.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and it’s far better than any over-the-top gratitude Baekhyun could have received from anyone else. 

It’s only ten pm, which means they still have another good two hours before they have to head downstairs for the gift exchange. Mostly they chat about menial things like the weather or what anime they’re watching, but the topic takes a strange turn when Sunwoo turns quiet for a while, then asks, “What is it like to have a soulmate?”

Baekhyun thinks for a moment, not sure of how to respond. Finally, he settles with, “It’s comfortable. There’s no need to hide your feelings or to pretend you’re someone you’re not. You can be as loud or as silent as you want, talk about whatever you want and there won’t be any judgement. It’s… this is going to sound very cheesy, but it’s like home.”

Sunwoo is looking at him with an unreadable expression. “I know who my soulmate is.”

Baekhyun arches an eyebrow his way and waits for him to elaborate.

“It’s Hyunjoon.”

Baekhyun arches his other eyebrow. “Is that why they put you as roommates?”

“No!” Sunwoo exclaims, red in the face. The blush worsens when he realizes he raised his voice. “I’m pretty sure that if anyone found out they’d make us change rooms like they did with Jihoon and Woojin.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know who Jihoon or Woojin are but assumes they’re patients that turned out to be soulmates. He gives Sunwoo _a look_ , which he only does because he knows Sunwoo won’t take it to heart. 

“What?” Sunwoo mumbles defensively. “We haven’t done anything. We just… I don’t know, talk, you know? I can tell he wants more but I’m just not ready for that.”

“Has he said that to you?” Baekhyun asks.

Sunwoo shakes his head. “No, but I can hear his thoughts sometimes. Soulmate telepathy and all, remember?”

Baekhyun nods. “He kissed me the other day,” Sunwoo continues. His fringe does a good job at hiding his eyes, but the smile tugging at his lips betrays his emotions. “It was nice.”

“Really?” Baekhyun smiles. He doesn’t even have time to feel jealous Sunwoo has kissed his soulmate and he hasn’t because Sunwoo has the shiest smile on his face and it makes his heart swell with affection for his friend. “How did you two figure it out?”

“One day he sorts of just snapped at me because for talking to myself too loudly but I wasn’t even talking.”

Baekhyun winces. Hyunjoon truly could learn to be less direct. “But he’s more conscious now,” Sunwoo continues. “The doctors even said he’s been getting better, and they’re proud of his progress.”

“He’s getting better because of you,” Baekhyun translates. “Soulmates can be magical like that sometimes.”

“As much as he can, anyway,” Sunwoo shrugs. “He has a personality disorder, like me, and that’s not something you can exactly heal from.”

Baekhyun nods, understandingly. He hadn’t thought about it that way, but now that he has, he feels pride swell in his chest at how far Sunwoo has come. Sunwoo has improved so much in the past six months since they’ve known each other, since Sunwoo came to therapy, and while he still has days where not even Baekhyun can get him out of bed or to talk to anyone, he still has the good days, days like today.

They continue to talk about Sunwoo and Hyunjoon, Baekhyun asking whatever comes to mind and Sunwoo answering to the best of his capacity without turning into a stuttering mess. Before they know it, it’s a quarter to twelve and someone is knocking on the door. Sunwoo gets it, blushing an amusing shade of pink when Hyunjoon walks in, going straight for one of the closets. He pulls out two boxes, both wrapped up in Christmas paper, and stuffs them in the front pocket of his GAP hoodie. Baekhyun fees slightly jealous Hyunjoon is dressed so casually when Baekhyun was forced into actual party clothes.

Hyunjoon doesn’t say a word when he leaves again, but he does seem to share a look with Sunwoo that has the younger boy looking away shyly. Baekhyun looks on with amusement. When Hyunjoon is gone, Baekhyun says, “He smiled at you, didn’t he?”

“He has a pretty smile,” Sunwoo defends himself. “Either way, shouldn’t we go back to the party?”

“Look at you, choosing a social gathering over your own friend!” Baekhyun gasps. Sunwoo looks down. Baekhyun stands up, taking his backpack with him and patting Sunwoo in the back. “Come on, before Daehwi and Somi come drag us out.”

Baekhyun wasn’t wrong. When the elevator reaches their floor, the doors slide open to reveal a fuming Daehwi with his arms crossed over his chest and Somi leaning against the wall, looking somewhere off in the distance.

“We were just on our way back,” Baekhyun placates Daehwi before he can go off on them. He doesn’t want him to yell at them, especially not at Sunwoo. Daehwi has a hard time keeping his temper under control, after all, and things like this tick at his patience.

Daehwi releases air through his nose yet doesn’t talk. Dr. Kim is always telling him that it’s better if he doesn’t say anything when he’s mad, considering the things he’s prone to say. Good thing he’s following that advice. Baekhyun doesn’t want to think about what it might do to Sunwoo if he suddenly gets yelled at.

The Secret Santa exchange begins a few minutes after the clock strikes midnight. Their group gathers around a table, everyone holding their gifts in hand. Yoojung offers to go first, taking the parcel on her lap and handing it to Samuel. The kid looks surprised, accepting the gift with a cute “Thank you, noona.” It’s a nice sweater, clearly Samuel’s type.

They go around the table, with Samuel gifting Somi some new eyeliner. Somi smiles faintly at him and pockets her new gift with a menial thank you. Doyeon drew Baekhyun’s name from the lot and she presents him with a special edition of The Velveteen Rabbit. Baekhyun mentioned once, in passing, that it was one of his favourite books as a kid and how sorry he is that he lost it when he was twelve at a park. Baekhyun has to blink away the tears when he thanks her. If anything, Doyeon looks even prouder of herself.

“I got Justin,” Baekhyun says. Finding something for Justin was incredibly hard, mostly because he knows Justin is loaded and could buy anything he wanted. So instead, he went for something Justin might need. 

Justin tears open the wrapping paper and stares at the book with wide eyes and a disbelieving smile. “It’s a guide on Korean slang and obscure traditions,” Baekhyun explains, “especially among teenagers. I know you’ve been having a hard time lately at school and figured you could use it.”

“Thanks, hyung!” Justin tells him and he seems to genuinely like it. A good thing, too, because Baekhyun freaked out about it for some good three hours before the party.

Later, Baekhyun sees Hyunjoon take Sunwoo to a more secluded corner of the cafeteria and give him one of the boxes he’d smuggled out of their dorm. They’re too far away for Baekhyun to make out what they’re saying, but he doesn’t miss the smile on Hyunjoon’s face when Sunwoo opens his present – and Baekhyun has to admit, he really does have a nice smile -, or the mystified look on Sunwoo. When he pesters him about it later, Sunwoo confides in him that Hyunjoon got him a keychain picture book – which doesn’t sound so special, except it’s an editor’s collection and the drawings are made by one of Sunwoo’s favourite artists. When you put it like that, Baekhyun thinks it’s sweet.

He and Chanyeol leave the party sometime around two am. Baekhyun is surprised the party even ran that long, considering they have a pretty strict curfew for their patients.

“It’s a special occasion,” Chanyeol tells him, a yawn taking over before he can even finish his sentence. “We try to give them a sense of normalcy during the holidays, especially for the ones who don’t get to go home at all.”

Baekhyun frowns, suddenly remembering how many kids never go home from the institution. Kids like Lee Jeno, who was kicked out of his house a year earlier, or Mark Lee, whose parents don’t even live in South Korea but can’t afford to fly him back to Canada. 

"Take me home," Baekhyun says, out of the blue.

"That's where we're going, Baek," Chanyeol laughs, one hand on the wheel and the other on the hand brake.

"No, I meant, mine. My parent's house. Just for a second," Baekhyun stammers after Chanyeol is silent for several seconds, "I just want to... say hi to my mom. Wish her a Merry Christmas."

"Alright," Chanyeol says slowly. "We can do that. Do you," he hesitates, "do you want me to go with you? Or should I stay in the car?"

"Please come with me," Baekhyun pleads quietly. 

Chanyeol nods. "Okay," he says. Chanyeol takes a turn to the right and drives down the highway. Baekhyun doesn't talk but he takes Chanyeol's free hand in his and squeezes. Chanyeol squeezes back and sends him a smile before focusing back on the road. 

 

Baekhyun’s childhood home is lit up with a couple Christmas lights, on the porch and above the screen door. There's a snowman bear the edge of the front yard, no doubt the work of the little kids that live across the street. They are always building snowmen on other people's yards, as gifts.

Chanyeol parks the car on the curve but doesn't turn off the engine. he waits patiently for Baekhyun to signal he's ready, fiddling with the radio stations. After a couple of minutes, maybe ten, Chanyeol isn't really counting, Baekhyun takes a deep breath and says, “let's go.”

They walk up to the front porch, Baekhyun at the lead. Except he doesn't knock on the door, he can't bring himself to and turns to Chanyeol with a silent request on his eyes. Chanyeol rings the bell and then reaches down to link his fingers with Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun's mom answers the door. She looks older than she did when Baekhyun ran away, lines on her face and her hair is greying with a vengeance. But her eyes still light up when she recognises Baekhyun and she gasps, her hands flying to her mouth and she tears up.

“My baby,” she whispers, unbelieving, “my Baekhyunnie.”

“Mom,” Baekhyun chokes out, his own tears falling without his permission. He lets go of Chanyeol's hand in order to hug his mom, who clings to him like a she’s finally found her lifeline. “I'm so sorry, mom. I'm sorry I left you, I'm so sorry.”

“No, no, darling,” she hushes him, pulling away. She cups her son's face in her hands, taking a long hard look at him. “I am, I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have done more, Baekhyunnie. I should have protected you better,” she sobs.

“Mom,” Baekhyun shakes his head. “You couldn’t have done anything. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m okay, you’re okay.”

His mom finally seems to notice Chanyeol’s presence. “Oh,” she blinks, trying to wipe away her tears, “who’s this?”

“This is Chanyeol,” Baekhyun smiles shyly, taking Chanyeol’s hand again to tug him closer to her, “my soulmate. Chanyeol, this is my mom.”

Baekhyun’s mom looks at Chanyeol, then back at Baekhyun before a wide smile overtakes her face. “Soulmate?” she says in a hushed voice. 

“Hello, Mrs. Byun,” Chanyeol says. He stretches out his hand, offering for a handshake. Baekhyun’s mom offers her own with a sort of mystified look on her face. “My name is Park Chanyeol.”

“You’re so handsome,” is all she says. Baekhyun groans.

“Mom,” he whines. Chanyeol blushes at the compliment and thanks her. “Please stop.”

“I have to say, ma’am, Baekhyun looks exactly like you – especially around the eyes.”

 _He’s good_ , Baekhyun has to give it to him. They can both see the way his mom preens at the comparison. She suddenly perks up and invites them, mumbling about how distracted she’s been lately, “letting you boys stand out there in the cold for so long.”

The Byun family Christmas tree is placed on the far right corner of the living room, brightly lit in golden flickering lights and decorated with dangling orbs and silk scarves. It’s the same decoration they use every year, yet it still makes Baekhyun’s throat close up. 

“Please, sit,” Mrs. Byun insists. She flaps her hands in the general direction of the couch while she goes into the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I still have most of the Christmas meal right here in the oven.”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol exchange a look. They already stuffed themselves with the dinner offered at the centre, not to mention the endless pieces of cakes and cookies they had from the desserts table. But Baekhyun also wants to taste his mother’s cooking one more time and Chanyeol is too polite to deny anything from his mother in law.

“Of course,” Chanyeol calls out, smiling at Baekhyun when the younger boy pats his stomach and whispers a quiet apology to it.

They eat on the couch – Mrs. Byun says she already put away the table and that she would love to sit by the fireplace. She asks Baekhyun about every little thing he’s done in the last six months, including what meals he’s had and keeps marvelling at how rounded out his face seems, how he’s glowing and all sorts of mom talk. Baekhyun can’t pretend to deny he missed it.

Inevitably, however, the conversation veers to more sensitive topics as the night goes on. It’s nearing three am when Mrs. Byun sighs deeply, locks eyes with Baekhyun, and says, “Baekhyunnie, I know why you left. I understand. Please know I love you with all my heart and that the only thing I wish for you is your happiness.”

Baekhyun nods, gulps thickly. He doesn’t like where this conversation is going. Next to him, Chanyeol is stiff and weirdly interested in the patterns of the throw pillow on his lap. “I know that, mom,” he says, because he doesn’t know how else to respond.

“Sweetie, I don’t think we can see each other too often,” his mom whispers. Already tears are slipping from her eyes but she carries on. “It’s not that I don’t want to. But your stepfather,” she trails off, “you know how he is. The horrible things he’s said since you left – the awful things he’s threatened to do if you or your brother ever came home again and he sees you. And I know what you’ll say,” she continues. “Leave him. Run away. File a lawsuit. Believe me, I’ve heard it all before – my friends and my sisters tell me all the time. But it isn’t that easy. If I try to kick him out, he’ll just come back to the house. If I run away, he’ll find me. And a lawsuit would take too long. So please, Baekhyunnie, while I figure things out, try to lay low, alright?”

Baekhyun doesn’t want to agree. He wants to argue, yell and throw a tantrum. He wants to pack his mother a bag and take her with them back to their apartment. He wants to insist he can protect her; they can get a restraining order, sue him and make sure his ass stays in prison until he’s dead. 

Yet the determined look on her face stops him. She’s not resigned to her fate; she doesn’t look like she’s given up. She never has. Instead, her eyes are blazing with her will to fight and Baekhyun gets the message - _Hang in there, mom_ , he thinks. 

“Alright,” Baekhyun says finally. His mom smiles, relieved and proud. 

They are ushered out when she sees the time. She claims it’s because there is no room for them to sleep in and they should really get back to their home before Chanyeol passes out at the wheel, but Baekhyun knows it’s really because his stepfather always returns around four am. Drunk out of his mind and angry if he lost his poker games. 

He usually loses them.

Baekhyun gives his mom his new phone number. He changed it around August when he realized his stepfather might find him with it. Mrs. Byun tucks the slip of paper into her robe’s pocket and sends them off with a watery smile and big hugs to both of them. Chanyeol grins goofily when she pinches his cheeks and says he’s going to make her son very happy.

 

At New Year’s Eve, about a minute before the clock strikes midnight, Baekhyun receives a text message from an unknown number. It isn’t signed, but he knows it’s his mom when he reads it.

_Happy New Year, darling. Send your boyfriend my love._

Baekhyun shows Chanyeol the message, to which the taller man beams and nearly shouts, “Happy New Year, Byun mama!”

Needless to say, he’s drunk. At least he doesn’t remember reading Baekhyun’s mom calling them boyfriends in the morning.

~

“Let me take you out on a date.”

Baekhyun waits not-so-patiently for Chanyeol to answer. The truth is that Baekhyun has been saving his money for the past few weeks so he can afford to take Chanyeol out, which hasn’t really been that difficult. Chanyeol refuses to let Baekhyun pay for anything, so all of his pay checks have been tucked carefully into his socks drawer every week, courtesy of his new job at the Centre’s library. It doesn’t pay that much, but it’s enough so he can afford to bring his soulmate somewhere nice and finally have a real date.

That is, if Chanyeol even agrees at all. So far he's only stared at Baekhyun with his mouth hanging open, elbows deep in soapy dish water and his hair in complete disarray. Baekhyun thinks he’s endearing. But he doesn’t need endearing right now, he needs for the man to say something.

Chanyeol stumbles out a response that Baekhyun doesn’t catch. He clears his throat and repeats himself, “I said, yes. Sure, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun doesn’t remember when Chanyeol started calling him Baekhyunnie, nor does he remember when it started making his heartbeat pick up speed the way it does now. He nods, adverting his gaze to the floor so Chanyeol can’t see his reddened cheeks. He tells Chanyeol to shower when he’s done so they can go for lunch and doesn’t wait to see his reaction. He power-walk backs to his room, expecting to hear a complain about the suddenness of the situation, but all he hears is Chanyeol slip and almost all to the ground. Baekhyun has to fight back a smile at that. 

 

Baekhyun doesn't share where they're going. Chanyeol whines and insists that he should know the whole walk but is effectively ignored. Baekhyun doesn't even bat an eye when he busts out the _pout_ , telling him he looks ugly before walking away. He has to walk back to get him because Chanyeol stays standing there like a dejected child. Baekhyun can't get over the ridiculousness of the situation for the rest of the day.

They walk past Minseok's bakery, the owner waving at them through the glass windows as he seemingly argues with Lu Han over one thing or another behind the counter. Chanyeol asks if that's where they're going, to which Baekhyun shakes his head in denial. He'd thought about it, but just the idea of people they know witnessing their probably disastrous date keeps him. They pass a couple of cafés, a movie theatre and a bar before finally arriving to their destination.

"A club?" Chanyeol asks, surprised. His eyebrows are dangerously close to his hairline. 

"At night," Baekhyun corrects, pushing the door open. "During the day, it's a restaurant. A really good one, too."

A waiter takes them to a table near the back. It's not crowded, since not everyone knows that they operate as a restaurant too, and Baekhyun chose this table because it's by the "Wall of Fame".

"What's this?" Chanyeol asks. He's pointing at the wall full of pictures. 

The waiter places their menus in front of them and says, "It is pictures of our best customers. Your date is right there."

Baekhyun is amused to see that Chanyeol nearly breaks his neck with how fast he turns his head to look at the photo their waiter is pointing at. It's a picture of a sixteen-year-old Baekhyun, sitting at a booth between Jongdae and Jongin, Yeri to Jongdae’s right, Baekhyun giving the camera a thumb up and smiling. There's an obnoxiously pink cake with the words "my sweet sixteen" written in fondant. Next to it is a less obvious chocolate cake that says "Happy Birthday Baekhyunnie!" 

Chanyeol gapes at the photo for almost a full minute. Then, the first thing he says, "you had a mullet?"

Baekhyun groans, burying his face in his hands. "You noticed."

"It's ... an interesting fashion statement," Chanyeol tells him. He looks and sounds like he's holding back a laugh. Baekhyun groans and hides further into his hands.

“That’s not even the photo I wanted you to see,” he mumbles.

Chanyeol perks up at the words and starts looking for another picture of Baekhyun, preferably one where he's making a fool of himself again. “Which one, then?”

It takes some searching, but finally Baekhyun spots it. “That one,” he points at a framed picture between their table and the one behind them. Chanyeol cranes his neck to look at it. It’s a photo of a three-year-old Baekhyun sitting on his father’s lap, Baekbeom smearing birthday cake on his nose and his mother laughing at his misery. His father is smiling directly at the camera. Chanyeol can’t help but notice that Baekhyun looks exactly like his dad and his mom – he’s a charcoal picture of the two, with the eyes and the nose and lips. It doesn’t help that his parents have similar features, too. 

“You always come here on your birthday?” he asks. Baekhyun nods, but his eyes are far away, thinking about his dad. Chanyeol is more than happy to let him dwell in his thoughts, but soon enough Baekhyun is shaking his head as if to clear his mind and sends Chanyeol a blinding smile his way, which catches him by surprise. Chanyeol thinks he smiles back, but he was probably too shocked to afford more than a pained grimace.

The food is great, to be honest. Chanyeol orders a subway with French fries and Baekhyun a hamburger, which is appropriately called a Titanic burger – it’s huge, and Chanyeol worries he might not be able to eat it all, but the waiter assures him that Baekhyun used to come here all the time and would always order the same. Baekhyun eats the whole thing in under ten minutes and gets dessert.

Baekhyun nearly slaps Chanyeol’s hand away when the older man tries to reach for the bill and pulls out his wallet, taking out enough bills to cover the tab plus a tip and sets it back down on the table in a heartbeat. “Let’s go,” he smiles, standing up. “We got places to be.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know where else Baekhyun might take him and once again Baekhyun is infuriatingly secretive. They catch a bus two blocks down from the restaurant and ride it to a quaint area. There are a couple of street vendors selling food on the sidewalk, a few shops open with different advertisements on their display windows – a fortune teller, a thrift shop and even a house of change. Baekhyun bypasses them all, clearly set on a specific location.

“Here it is,” Baekhyun says proudly. They stand in front of a hole-in-the-wall trinket store. The front door is mostly glass with translucent pink paper. Baekhyun pushes the door open and walks in, waving at Chanyeol to follow him inside. There are shelves upon shelves of the most random assert of objects Chanyeol has seen. 

One of the shelves is completely stacked with cats. Glass cats, ceramic cats, wooden cats – just, cats. Cats with marble eyes and cats with electronic paws and an alarm clock shaped like a cat. The shelf to its left has school supplies, although none of them are what Chanyeol saw during his high school years: for example, there’s a pencil case shaped and decorated like a bag of chips, there are notebooks with only three pages left in them and he thinks he spies a quill dripping with ink before Baekhyun practically drags him to the back.

There’s a small glass cabinet filled with surprise boxes. Chanyeol used to buy them when he was little, always with the hope of catching a rare collectible item, but he always got odd, random things until he realized there were better things to use his allowance on. Baekhyun grins like a child and calls for the clerk to open the cabinet.

The girl looks about fifteen and has bright red hair, which fits the aesthetic of the whole store. She recognizes Baekhyun and makes small talk with him while she searches for the right key, her keychain holding about a thousand keys. She grumbles something about dumb store concepts before she finally gets the lock open. 

Baekhyun gives her a ten and she tells them to help themselves to whichever box they want, already making her way back to the counter. Chanyeol thinks that’s trusting them a little too much, but then again, she and Baekhyun seemed friendly, so maybe she just trusts Baekhyun to keep the stranger in line.

They each pick out their favourite box. Chanyeol takes one medium sized, decorated in blue and green stripes, while Baekhyun chooses the biggest box in the cabinet. 

“Figures,” Chanyeol chuckles. Baekhyun pokes his tongue out at him. 

They exit the shop and walk briefly to a nearby park, where they sit on a bench and open their boxes. Chanyeol’s has a camera while Baekhyun’s has sparkly stationary. Baekhyun’s eyes light up. “I’m writing letters to Jongdae with these.”

Chanyeol laughs. He can’t believe how excited Baekhyun looks at the prospect of writing letters to his best friend with glittery pens. Chanyeol just has to snap a picture with his new camera – and then refuses to show it to Baekhyun.

“Do you want ice cream?” Baekhyun offers. There’s a man pushing an ice cream cart around the park. Baekhyun nods in his direction. “I used to buy their ice cream with Yeri, they’re pretty good. Mostly generic brands but sometimes they have homemade ice cream and they’re great too.”

“Sure thing,” Chanyeol agrees, “But only if you let me pay.”

“Hyung,” Baekhyun complains. Chanyeol shushes him playfully.

“This isn’t the middle ages, Baek,” Chanyeol laughs. “You don’t have to pay for everything on a date.”

Baekhyun pouts, kicking idly at a rock by his feet. He nods and lets Chanyeol drag him by the arm to the ice cream vendor. Chanyeol buys a chocolate sundae for himself and Baekhyun thinks deeply before he chooses a vanilla-chocolate swirly with a chocolate cookie at the bottom of the cup.

Thankfully the day isn’t too hot and their ice creams survive the trip back to their bench with no sticky fingers involved. They play random games as they eat their ice creams, like spotting yellow cars on the road or “I spot.” 

Night falls on them before they realize it. They throw away their empty cups and just barely catch the bus headed back to their area. Baekhyun’s head lolls back and forth during the ride until Chanyeol has had enough and pushes his head onto his shoulder. Baekhyun doesn’t even have the energy to fight him, going along willingly and breathing softly as he falls into a light slumber.

Chanyeol shakes him awake when they reach their destination. “Come on, we’re still three blocks away from our place,” he coaxes, smiling down at the younger boy when he whines and mumbles something about being warm. Eventually, Baekhyun stands up and they get off the bus before the driver shuts the double doors on them.

The street is mostly deserted, save for a couple stragglers and a few stray dogs and cats. Baekhyun doesn’t stop yawning the entire walk back, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie to keep the cold at bay. Chanyeol throws an arm around him when they’re a block and a half from their building, pulling him closer to warm him up. Once again, Baekhyun doesn’t protest.

Toben greets them at the door with excited yips and barks. Baekhyun bends down to say hello, kisses his nuzzle and lets Toben nose excitedly at his stomach before standing back up. When he’s steady on his feet, he looks over to see Chanyeol shrugging off his jacket, his hair windswept from the walk to their apartment.

Suddenly, Baekhyun’s chest is tight with longing. He has no idea where it comes from, considering he sees Chanyeol every single day, but out of nowhere all he wants is to be as close to Chanyeol as possible.

“Hyung,” Baekhyun says. His voice sounds weak even to himself. Chanyeol hums in acknowledgment, lining up his shoes at the entrance. “Can I kiss you?”

Baekhyun pats himself on the back for saying it without his voice breaking. He also feels proud he didn’t pass out or chicken out mid-sentence. Chanyeol’s eyes are wide as saucers as he looks at Baekhyun with clear surprise on his face, but at least he doesn’t seem against the idea. “Are you sure?” Chanyeol asks carefully. Baekhyun nods, praying he looks more confident than he feels.

“Alright,” Chanyeol concedes. He walks closer to where Baekhyun is still standing with his jacket on and his shoes laced perfectly. 

They stand toe to toe, Baekhyun craning his neck back to look at Chanyeol directly in the eye and Chanyeol trying very hard to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest. “So,” Baekhyun coughs awkwardly. “Should we…?”

It’s not like Baekhyun has never kissed anyone before. He kissed Jongdae once when they were fifteen and his first kiss was in the sixth grade – although he doesn’t like to count it, because it was with Yeri and that really _shouldn’t_ count. But as far as experience goes, he’s pretty sure Chanyeol is beating him by a mile. Yet Baekhyun doesn’t want to share his thoughts with Chanyeol because they only serve to accentuate their age difference, which is a tiny little fact Baekhyun likes to ignore as hard as possible every day.

Chanyeol nods his head, almost like he’s giving himself a pep talk, his right hand coming up to cup Baekhyun’s cheek. Baekhyun sucks in a deep breath, reminding himself to release it least he faints. Baekhyun frankly hopes to God his breath doesn’t stink, but all thoughts fly out the window when Chanyeol leans down and their lips brush for the first time.

Baekhyun’s stomach bursts with butterflies and birds and his very own superman. Their kiss tastes like ice cream. Baekhyun’s mind zeroes in on the warmth from Chanyeol’s hand on his skin and the faint scent of his cologne, the way Chanyeol takes special focus on Baekhyun’s bottom lip, dragging it between his teeth and releasing it only to suck it between his own lips. Baekhyun makes a conscious effort to kiss back, raising to his tip toes and lacing his hands behind Chanyeol’s neck, both to support him and to drag the older man down, closer to him.

They only separate because they need oxygen, but even then Chanyeol stays as close as humanly possible to Baekhyun and continues to pepper kisses along his face and jaw, lingering on the skin where his jaw meets his neck. Baekhyun keens when Chanyeol sucks the skin into his mouth, his mind whirring with the realization that he’s leaving a mark.

“Come on,” Baekhyun murmurs, leading Chanyeol to the living room.

They fall on the couch in a mess of limbs, already back to kissing. Chanyeol is draped over Baekhyun, the shorter boy on his back along the length of the cushions. Baekhyun’s legs are dangling over the armrest and Chanyeol is bent awkwardly over him, but neither of them makes to move. This time Baekhyun isn’t as nervous anymore and is bolder in his kissing, licking at Chanyeol’s lip to ask for entrance, slipping his tongue inside as soon as he gets the chance. 

“Hyung,” Baekhyun gasps, all his blood rushing to his groin when Chanyeol presses closer and one of his thighs slips between Baekhyun’s legs. Baekhyun surges forward, grasping Chanyeol’s shirt in his fisted hands and thrusting his hips up. However, at the first contact between their crotches – and Baekhyun notices with a zap of arousal that Chanyeol is just as hard as he is –, Chanyeol pulls away.

Baekhyun can only whine in protests, his eyes lingering on Chanyeol’s swollen mouth. “Why?” he demands.

“You’re still underage,” Chanyeol says, as if it should explain everything. And while under normal circumstances it would, Baekhyun is too needy right now to accept that as a reasonable excuse. 

“So?” Baekhyun challenges. Chanyeol is kneeling over him, knees on either side of Baekhyun’s hips, giving Baekhyun full access to reach out with a hand and graze the sliver of skin peeking out from under his shirt. 

Said hand gets slapped away almost immediately. “Baekhyun, stop,” Chanyeol warns. And while he sounds mad, his eyes are pleading with Baekhyun to drop it. It’s what makes Baekhyun give up, slumping on the couch with a pout.

“Fine,” Baekhyun grumbles. He tries not to feel too dejected when Chanyeol clearly sighs in relief. Baekhyun looks up between his lashes and asks softly, “We can still kiss every once in a while, right?”

Chanyeol smiles, leans down and pecks Baekhyun’s lips. “Of course,” he confirms, “just… not this, alright? I’d feel more comfortable if we wait until you’re at least legal and not complete jail bait.”

Baekhyun has to laugh quietly at being called jail bait. “Alright,” he agrees. “And sorry for… trying to convince you. I should have stopped when you pulled away. No means no.”

“I’m glad you know that,” Chanyeol says. Then he smiles again and kisses Baekhyun, making Baekhyun smile too. So now they’re just two idiots smiling into a chaste kiss. Chanyeol pulls away, leaves a kiss on Baekhyun’s temple and gets up from the couch. “I’m going to go take a shower now”

Baekhyun ignores how long it takes Chanyeol to get out of the shower and is really thankful when Chanyeol does the same for him.

~

Baekhyun likes his sleep. It’s always been a hobby of his, to take naps every day and to have the healthy eight hours at night. When he got sick, his sleeping hours declined; he would spend entire nights awake, just staring at his ceiling until he was so exhausted he passed out at the crack of dawn. But ever since he started treatment, little by little he’s managed to recuperate many of his old habits, including his sleeping hours.

And Chanyeol understands; he lets Baekhyun sleep as much as he wants at night, only waking him up early on the days he has therapy or if Baekhyun asks him to. And even if he doesn’t let him nap as much as Baekhyun would like, he still gets about half an hour on the afternoons.

But not today. Not on his own birthday. 

“Rise and shine, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun makes a garbled sound and rolls over. He’s now facing the wall, his back to Chanyeol and his ridiculously blinding smile. It’s way too early to be awake, especially if you consider Chanyeol has to go to work and he’s still in his pajamas.

“Happy birthday, Baekkie.”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun mumbles. “Now go away.”

Chanyeol chuckles, his fingers already prying at the blankets. Baekhyun whines when the cold air hits his exposed skin but makes no attempt at covering himself up – or getting out of bed, for that matter.

“Come on, we have a big day today,” Chanyeol insists. He pats Baekhyun’s arm before leaving out of the room, calling out as he does so, “I’ll make breakfast while you wake up, okay?”

Baekhyun groans in despair, flopping around his bed. He doesn’t want to get up, he just wants to stay in bed until noon and then eat cake for breakfast. But there’s Sunwoo to think of, who promised to have a gift for him, and the kids of his group suck at keeping secrets so he knows they have a surprise prepared for him – not to mention Chanyeol, who is audibly tinkering around the kitchen with the excitement of a child in a candy store.

So, with a final sigh and a sad glance at his blanket, Baekhyun drags himself out of bed. He shivers a little, despite summer being practically on them, and is only then when he realizes he left the window open last night when he went to bed. He shuts it close before going to the kitchen.

Chanyeol is in the middle of starting the coffee machine. There are pancakes waiting for Baekhyun on the kitchen island, a bowl of fruit and a brownie. Baekhyun figures that’s good enough reason to wake up early on his birthday.

“The brownie is for dessert,” Chanyeol sing songs loudly without turning around. Baekhyun takes his hand back guiltily. “Sit down, eat!”

Baekhyun doesn’t have to be told twice. He happily starts munching on his pancakes while he watches Chanyeol fight the coffee machine with all his might. He keeps grumbling under his breath how he’s going to buy a new one today, but Baekhyun knows he doesn’t mean it. He’s weirdly attached to the thing, for some reason.

“Need any help?” Baekhyun offers around an amused smile. “She seems to like me.”

“It’s a he,” Chanyeol grumbles. When he turns around, he has a frown on his face. Baekhyun tries so hard not to laugh. “And he likes me just fine, thank you very much.” Baekhyun raises his hand in surrender.

Chanyeol admits he needs help, eventually, like a little kid who’s being forced to apologize to his classmate, so Baekhyun rises from his chair and saunters over. He bangs lightly on the lid of the machine three times and it sputters to life. Chanyeol gapes at his soulmate, who goes back to his meal with a smirk. “Traitor,” Chanyeol seethes at the machine. 

They have breakfast together, Baekhyun wolfing down his share while Chanyeol actually takes his time to eat, asking Baekhyun if he has any plans for today. Baekhyun tells him what he knows: Sunwoo will give him his present after the hospital serves breakfast, so around nine-ish, then he’ll go to therapy and after that his friends have a not-so-surprise party planned for him. “Jongdae sent me a text last night,” he continues, “said he and the others are going to take me out around lunch and kidnap me for the afternoon. Then I’m free.”

“Let me know where Jongdae takes you so I can pick you up,” Chanyeol tells him. He looks down at his breakfast, his voice gets quieter when he says, “I have a surprise for you.”

Baekhyun blushes, a shy smile working its way to his face. He nudges Chanyeol’s leg with his foot, and it starts a ridiculous game of footsie Baekhyun will deny if ever brought up again.

 

Upon arrival to the hospital, Baekhyun is tackled to the ground by a hyperactive Yoojung, who shouts a happy birthday into his ear. Baekhyun hugs her back, laughing along with her. He’s always surprised at how energetic Yoojung can get during the day. 

“Sunwoo is waiting for you,” Yoojung tells him, pushing him in the direction of Sunwoo’s dorm building. Baekhyun waves goodbye to Chanyeol, who is watching them amusedly. Baekhyun walks with a sprint in his step, waving cheerfully at everyone who crosses his path. It throws some people off, but the nurses and doctors all wave back.

Sunwoo is outside his dorm room, dressed in a grey hoodie and light jeans. Baekhyun practically skips over to him, tapping Sunwoo on the shoulder and quite possibly blinding him with such a beam. 

“You look happy today,” Sunwoo notes. “Happy birthday, hyung.”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun giggles – he fucking giggles. 

“Remember I said I’d give you your gift after breakfast,” Sunwoo reminds him pointedly. Baekhyun shrugs and says yes, he does remember that. 

“I’ll join you for breakfast.”

In the cafeteria, Jinyoung shields his eyes and says, “Please, turn off the sun.”

Baekhyun ignores him, pulling out a chair at their table to sit on while Sunwoo mutters something about toast and goes straight for the buffet table.

“So much teeth on display, you’re freaking me out, put them away,” Samuel grimaces. Still, he pats Baekhyun on the back and wishes him a happy birthday. 

“What’s got you so happy today?” Doyeon asks around a spoonful of cereal. “I mean, aside from the obvious.”

Baekhyun feels heat crawling up his neck and to his cheeks. He hides a shy smile behind the cup of coffee Somi offers him as a present, his mind supplying him with multiple ideas for what might be the reason he’s so happy – mostly, images of this morning, Chanyeol’s pancakes, the surprise he mentioned and, the sole protagonist of Baekhyun’s thoughts, how Chanyeol had nearly pinned him to the wall next to their front door and kissed the life out of him, pulling away only to send Baekhyun a look that had his toes curling in his sneaker and his eyes promising so much more. 

Of course, he’s not about to share that with his friends, so he settles for a shrug and says, “I guess I’m just having a good day.”

They accept that answer easily and go back to their meals, occasionally bickering among themselves about one thing or another. Sunwoo returns to their table with a tray of toast and orange juice in hand and Hyunjoon on his tail. Baekhyun thinks this is the first time he’s seen Hyunjoon actually hanging out with Sunwoo’s friends outside of therapy – clearly, the others are as surprised as he is, but none of them mentions it and Baekhyun can see Sunwoo is clearly relieved. 

Junmyeon wishes him a happy birthday when they go in for their session. Baekhyun thanks him, pointedly ignoring how Junmyeon keeps glancing at the closet door – Baekhyun can see paper wrap poking out.

Baekhyun also pretends not to notice how everyone seems to be rushing through the session. And when it’s over, he agrees to accompany Sunwoo to the bathroom, making small talk while Sunwoo clearly stalls for time before they return. 

Every year of school theatre pays off that moment, when Baekhyun convincingly gasps and acts surprised at the sight of their meeting room turned into a birthday party. There’s cake, soda cans and cookies on the table, streaming paper on most surfaces of the room and gifts Baekhyun’s usual chair.

Besides Baekhyun’s support group, there’s Junmyeon, Mingyu, Jisung and Zhang Yixing. Yixing is the head cook at the cafeteria – he’s a sweet guy, always slipping extra portions of whatever they want when they ask for it. He and Baekhyun have bonded lately, after Baekhyun asked him to share his recipe of chocolate chip cookies with him. Yixing has been giving hm cooking lessons on the weekends, each and every one of them ending in a tasting party with Chanyeol and Yixing’s soulmate Zitao. Baekhyun has grown fond of Zitao, too, especially because Zitao likes to cling to people and doesn’t mind getting clung to in return. 

Chanyeol is also present at the party. He smiles when Baekhyun catches his eye, but Baekhyun can only blush and look away. Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol smirks but d0esnt turn around to check.

“Let’s sing happy birthday!” Daehwi chirps, tugging Baekhyun to the cake. They all crowd around Baekhyun, Chanyeol next to him per everyone’s insistence. Baekhyun’s body burns up at every point of contact. He has a hard time focusing on the song; his mind is too preoccupied thinking about Chanyeol and what he might mean by surprise – especially when he remembers the look in Chanyeol’s eyes this morning.

Is that what he meant by surprise? Are they going to…?

_Oh dear, lord, Baekhyun, stops thinking about this. It’s not good for your health._

They cut the cake and pass around the slices. Baekhyun gets his first and doesn’t even have time to taste it before he’s getting dragged to the circle to open his presents by Daehwi, who grumbles something about being on a schedule. As he expected, the party was orchestrated mostly by Daehwi and Somi – they like to do these kinds of things. Especially because Daehwi likes to be in charge.

Most of the gifts are small trinkets and useful things – like a set of socks, courtesy of Doyeon. She excuses herself saying, “He was literally complaining like an old men he doesn’t have hole-less socks anymore.”

Afterwards, someone turns on music and the guests chat around the room, Jisung teaching Daehwi some sort of magic trick in the corner and Doyeon, Yoojung and Siyeon giggling to each other by the table. Baekhyun hangs back with Sunwoo and Hyunjoon – the two are talking about Sunwoo’s new sketch while Baekhyun listens half-heartedly. He keeps staring at Chanyeol from across the room.

“You look like you want to jump him,” Hyunjoon says suddenly, startling Baekhyun.

Baekhyun blushes at the accusation, looks away with a nervous chuckle. “Dude, gross,” Hyunjoon grimaces. Sunwoo giggles and nods towards Chanyeol.

“You seem worried, hyung,” Sunwoo notes. “No, not worried. You look nervous. What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” Baekhyun shakes his head. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Sunwoo but he doesn’t want to talk about this right here in the open. 

Their party doesn’t last too long. Junmyeon has another session to attend, Chanyeol has patients, Yixing is needed in the kitchen and the nurses have jobs to do. Baekhyun is only excused because Jongdae texts him to let him know he’s outside.

“Here,” Siyeon passes him a cardboard box. “You can put your gifts here so it’s easier to carry them.”

Baekhyun thanks her and starts packing his gifts. Siyeon helps him, grabbing the more delicate gifts and stacking them neatly because, in her words, “Boys can’t be trusted around glass.”

In Baekhyun’s defence, there is only one gift made of glass. Junmyeon gifted him a little glass owl, painted in blues and greens. “To put on your desk,” he had said. Baekhyun thinks they’re very pretty and he made sure to let him know.

Baekhyun is momentarily distracted by Siyeon’s nails – they’re bright pink and long. He’d never noticed, but now that he starts to think about it, she seems to wear a lot of pink. Like her lipstick, a hot pink that makes her lips stand out.

Siyeon has Hyunjin help Baekhyun carry the box to the front entrance, even though Baekhyun could do it himself just fine. Hyunjin shrugs and says, “It’s your birthday, man.” Baekhyun accepts the help and makes small talk with him until they arrive to the car. Jongdae does a double take at the sight of Hyunjin but offers him a friendly smile. 

“Hyunjin-ah, this is my best friend Jongdae,” Baekhyun introduces them. “Jongdae, this is Hyunjin, he’s in my therapy group.”

“What’s up?” Jongdae nods. Hyunjin nods back.

“Happy birthday, Baekhyun,” Hyunjin pats him on the back and jogs back inside. 

Baekhyun climbs into the passenger’s seat after checking the box is safely on the floor of the car in the backseat. He doesn’t have time to fasten his seatbelt before Jongdae is throwing himself at him, hugging and kissing him and shouting into his ear. Baekhyun hugs back with as much enthusiasm, just now realizing how much he missed his best friend.

“What are we doing today, exactly?” Baekhyun asks. He’s feeling nervous all of a sudden, which normally isn’t an emotion he’d associate with hanging out with his friends.

“We’re going to the restaurant,” Jongdae says; there’s no need to specify which one. “Then we are just going to hang out at my place until lover boy comes to pick you up. He texted Yifan,” he explains for Baekhyun’s benefit. 

“Are Jongin and Yeri meeting us at the restaurant?” Baekhyun asks. 

Jongdae gives him a deadpan look over the top of his sunglasses. “No, it’s just going to be you and me so I can finally grope you to my heart’s content.”

Baekhyun gasps in horror. Jongdae tries to swat at him but the light turns red and he has to settle for disgruntled murmuring. 

Jongin and Yeri are already waiting for them at the restaurant. They’re sitting at their usual booth, glasses of coke in front of them. They’re sitting close and giggling at each other like lovesick fools. Baekhyun and Jongdae share a look and gag.

“Enough,” Jongdae demands, plops down next to Jongin. Baekhyun sits to Yeri’s left and glares pointedly until she sighs and scoots a little closer to him and away from Jongin. 

“Happy birthday, oppa,” Yeri says. She looks exasperatedly fond. She reaches under the table and pulls out a bag. “Here.”

Baekhyun tears the staples away with a yank and peeks inside. There are two albums – IU’s Palette and Taeyeon’s My Voice. 

“I can die happy now,” Baekhyun states. 

Jongin rolls his eyes and hands him his own present. “Mine is cooler,” he gloats. Yeri snorts into her coke. Baekhyun peels off the wrapping paper with care – the paper has cute little doodles no doubt made by Jongin himself and Baekhyun wants to save them so he can put them in a folder he has of all of Jongin’s drawings. Said folder is at his mother’s home but he thinks he can sneak in one day and retrieve it undetected.

Under the paper is a long, thin black box. Baekhyun is momentarily worried Jongin spent a ridiculous amount of money on jewellery on him but he’s proven wrong when he opens the lid. Inside, there are tickets to Dean’s next concert. Five tickets, to be exact. “So you can take your soulmate too,” Jongin says.

“It’s a tie,” Baekhyun declares, closing the box again and putting it away in his jacket’s inner pocket. Next he looks at Jongdae expectantly. Jongdae lifts his pointer finger in a ‘hold on’ gesture and rummages through his backpack before saying, “Ah ha, here it is.”

Jongdae slides small box across the table. Baekhyun picks it up curiously and checks the contents. There’s a necklace, a smooth silver chain with a pendant. The pendant is the Hufflepuff shield. Baekhyun laughs. “Who says I’m a Hufflepuff, though?”

“Please,” Jongdae snorts. “You totally are the Hufflepuff here.”

“Oh, yeah? And what about the others?” Baekhyun challenges.

“Well, obviously Jongin is Ravenclaw. He’s a nerd,” Jongdae points out. Jongin’s protests go ignored. “Yeri is a Gryffindor. And I’m a Slytherin.”

“Accurate,” Yeri nods. 

“Alright,” Baekhyun sighs, but he’s smiling. “I guess I’ll have to accept my fate.”

The waiter comes to their table to collect their orders. None of them orders an actual meal, but they pool their money – except for Baekhyun, he gets his hand slapped away when he reaches for his wallet – and they order multiple entrances: mozzarella sticks, tiny hamburgers, fries, curly fries, onion rings and fried wings plus milkshakes.

“Yeri, you heathen!” Jongdae accuses. Yeri shrugs and confirms her order to the waiter.

“Yes, a vanilla milkshake for me,” she says. 

The waiter nods, jolting everything down on his notepad. “Two chocolate milkshakes, one Oreo and one vanilla. Also, we still have the birthday special, if you’re interested?”

The birthday special is an extra order of two of your servings free of charge. The former manager started the tradition and it became so popular, the new manager decided to keep it. Whenever the four of them came here for birthday celebrations they would ask for the birthday special and order two extra servings of large fries and a large serving of wings. 

“You know it,” Jongdae smiles wolfishly. Jongin rolls his eyes at him and hands back his menu to the waiter, who takes it with a curt bow and scurries away to alert the cook. Yeri sighs, “Must you always embarrass me?”

Jongdae fakes a scandalized gasp, his right hand flying up to his chest to clutch at his heart. “You wound me, Yeri-yah. I am nothing but a delight.”

“You’re a menace is what you are,” Jongin mutters. 

“What was that?” Jongdae demands, leaning closer to the younger boy. Jongin feigns ignorance. “Anyway, should we get dessert here or buy something from that bakery down the road?”

“Let’s get something here,” Jongin suggests, looking at the dessert cart on their table. “Like their vanilla ice cream covered brownies. They look great,” he nods towards a family two tables down, ho have ordered the same brownies and are currently marvelling at the size of their treats.

“Or,” Baekhyun muses, “we could get something here to go and then swing by the bakery and buy something else.”

The three stare at him with unbelieving eyes. “Dude,” Yeri breathes, “that’s genius. Expensive as shit, but genius.”

Baekhyun smiles proudly. 

 

Between the four, they clear the table in less than ten minutes. Yeri slurps loudly at her vanilla milkshake, uncaring that Jongdae keeps shaking his head in disapproval. Baekhyun doesn’t stop smiling the entire time, listening to Jongin’s appraisal of the food and the way Yeri and Jongdae bicker with each other like a couple of kids, or perhaps an old married couple. 

They finally order the brownies because Jongin keeps whining about how he wants to try them but ask the waiter if it’s possible to get them to go. After they receive the confirmation, they pack up, Jongdae going up to the front to pay the bill while Baekhyun helps Jongin and Yeri figure out the tip. 

The trip to Jongdae’s apartment couldn’t have been louder even if they tried. Jongdae and Baekhyun alone could brew up a storm, but coupled with their good moods and the fact they’re celebrating someone’s birthday, even Jongin and Yeri are acting more boisterous than they usually would. 

The security guard in the entrance to Jongdae’s building greets them with a tired wave and a poorly concealed sigh. “Working double shift there, Mr. Seo?” Jongdae calls out. The guard, Mr. Seo, nods tiredly, his eyes lazily flickering across the newspaper spread on the table. “Say hi to the Misses for me, kay?”

“Of course, kid,” Mr. Seo says. 

Jongdae ushers the others to the elevator, hitting the fourth floor button and reclining against the walls with the air of a king. Yeri pushes his shoulder, making Jongdae stumble and huff. 

His apartment looks the same as it did when Baekhyun was last here. There are his mother’s slippers lined neatly with his father’s flip-flops right on the entrance, next to a wide variety of sneakers shoes. They toe off their shoes and leave them in the corner behind the door per Jongdae’s instructions, following behind him like little ducklings going after their mama duck. 

Jongdae leaves the Mama’s Bakery cake box on the kitchen island, Yeri following suit with their little doggy back from the restaurant. Besides buying a chocolate cake – which was cutely adorned with little cookie flowers -, they purchased a bag of assorted cookies, mostly because Jongin had whined that he wanted cookies. 

“Jongin!” Jongdae barks when he spies the younger boy sneaking cookies into his mouth. Jongin looks up like a deer caught in headlights. “Put those down and help me with this.”

Together, they move the cake from its container to a plate better fit for a celebration. Yeri is on brownies duty, carefully sliding them to a bowl. The restaurant had insisted they didn’t ask the brownies to go, considering they had ice cream and ice cream melts, but Jongdae was a pain until the waiter sighed in defeat, so now they had to put the dessert in the freezer to try to salvage what’s little left of the vanilla – forget about presentation, Jongdae said, what matters is that it tastes good. Yeri had called him an idiot but Baekhyun thinks delusional is the better word for it.

Jongdae digs around the kitchen drawers until he finds a package of birthday candles and a lighter. Jongin carries the cake to the dining table, careful not to bump into a table – especially because the Kim’s have lots of antique artefacts for display in the living room and none of them wants to break anything and anger Mr. Kim. Yeri stacks a couple of plates, forks and a cutting knife, sidestepping around Baekhyun who’s trying to carry glasses and the iced tea jug at the same time.

Per Baekhyun’s insistence, they turn off the lights in the dining room and light nineteen candles – Jongdae shoots him a dirty look when the package comes away empty after the nineteenth candle is stubbed into the surface of the cake. “Sorry?” Baekhyun shrugs, completely unapologetic. “I’ll buy you more if you want?”

Jongdae’s glare intensifies. “Don’t you dare,” he hisses. Baekhyun raises his hands in surrender. They sing him happy birthday, except everytime Baekhyun is about to blow the candles they start over again; this goes on for for a while until Baekhyun gets fed up and passive-aggressively blows out the candles while maintaining eye contact with Jongdae. 

Afterwards, they sit on the couch and eat their cake with their hands, iced tea glasses perched on coasters and mostly left forgotten. Baekhyun checks the time to see it’s almost four pm now, immediately wondering when Chanyeol will be picking him up.

And of course, that sets off a train of thoughts – or as Baekhyun has taken to calling it, the Anxiety Express – about Chanyeol and his alleged ‘surprise.’ Baekhyun doesn’t want to work himself up over nothing, his brain supplying helpfully that perhaps, when Chanyeol says surprise, he means something completely innocent and totally unrelated to that kiss. Hell, maybe he means he got Baekhyun a puppy. 

But the more… _Baekhyun_ part of his brain is screaming that maybe, he means something else. Maybe he means they’ll be taking the next step in their relationship. Chanyeol did say he wanted to wait for Baekhyun to be of age before going any further and while Baekhyun has been half-heartedly keeping track of the time left before he’s legal and not ‘jail-bait’ like Chanyeol so cleverly put it, it doesn’t mean Chanyeol has been doing the same. In fact, Baekhyun finds it very hard to believe Chanyeol would do something like that – that seems too much of a fuckboy thing to do. Chanyeol is more of one of those cute, aesthetic moodboard guys that wear pastel coloured sweaters and read poetry.

So it’s only logical that Chanyeol didn’t mean what Baekhyun believes he did when he said surprise and the kiss – and that _look_ \- was completely spontaneous. Baekhyun must admit he feels if only slightly disappointed. 

“Baekhyun hyung?” Jongin asks, shaking him out of his thoughts. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Baekhyun laughs.

Yeri gives him her signature _look_. “You were pouting two seconds ago. What is it?”  
“I was?” Baekhyun’s eyes widen. He hadn’t realized he was pouting. He thought he was the picture perfect of cool and composed. Then again, he is sitting in a living room with the three people who know him best in the world so it is to be expected he’s as easy to read to them as a children’s book. “Sorry, I guess I zoned out.”

“A penny for your thoughts?” Jongdae offers, holding up an actual penny he dug out from the couch cushions. 

Baekhyun sighs. “It’s just something Chanyeol said this morning that has me confused,” he confesses, looking at his friends to find them all listening. He sighs again. “Well, a few months ago he and I sort of… almost did something and,” he stops to glare at Jongdae’s wiggling eyebrows, “we didn’t because I was still underage. But then this morning he said he had a surprise for me and he seemed pretty shy about it? And then before we left, he, uh, he kissed me? And there was this look in his eyes and I’m sort of… overanalysing things, I guess.”

“Maybe you’re not,” Jongin shrugs. “If I understand you correctly, you think Chanyeol is going to sleep with you tonight, right? Is that what has you so worked up?”

Baekhyun nods shyly. Jongin shrugs once more, shoving the last bite of cake into his mouth and brushing the crumbs of his shirt. “Then maybe you’re right. You are turning nineteen today.”

“I don’t know,” Yeri frowns. “I only met Chanyeol once but he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who’d do that. I think he means something else and the kissing wasn’t planned.”

Baekhyun looks at Jongdae, waiting for his input. Jongdae has one hand on his chin and is rubbing the skin like he’s thinking intently. “You both make excellent points,” he says. Baekhyun glares at him to hurry up. “But honestly, Baek, I don’t know. Yifan is doing the same shit to me, we barely even kiss. I think its old men honour or something,” he chuckles. When he sobers up, he looks at Baekhyun with sincerity and says, “I think you should wait for tonight and see what happens. There’s no point psyching you out over this. After all, Chanyeol is your soulmate; I’m sure that whatever it is he has prepared for you is going to be worth it.

“Be honest with me,” Jongdae continues, “would you be disappointed if it turns out that Chanyeol meant something completely innocent like a trip to Jeju? Instead of the magical night you’re expecting?”

Ignoring the poor choice of words, Baekhyun shakes his head immediately. “I wouldn’t be,” he promises, “not ever. It’s Chanyeol.”

Jongdae smiles. “Then there you go,” he grins. “Now, I believe it is time for your prince charming to come looking for you.”

With a start, Baekhyun realizes the sun is starting to go down already. When he checks his phone, he finds Chanyeol has already texted him twice, asking if he’s ready. Baekhyun shoots back a simple text, his fingers shaking a little bit. Chanyeol lets him know he’ll be there soon and Baekhyun takes the time to say goodbye to his friends and thank them for everything.

“What do you mean?” Yeri asks confusedly.

Baekhyun blushes under their attention, not meeting anyone’s eyes when he says, “I mean, thank you for being so patient. For understanding and for taking me back after all that happened. You guys are the best.”

He half expected Jongdae to crack a joke, maybe Yeri would brush it off, try not to make him feel self-conscious, like they’re prone to do. Instead, he finds Yeri is smiling at him with something akin to fondness, Jongdae is looking at him like its’ the first time he’s seen him and Jongin is teary eyed. Well, that he did expect. 

By the time Chanyeol arrives, it’s already dark outside, some stars visible even with the city lights on full blast. Chanyeol apologizes for the delay, telling him about a car crash near their apartment he didn’t know about and had him stuck in traffic for a while. “I’ll take another route this time,” he promises, “it’ll take a little longer than we’re used to but at least the road is free.”

When Chanyeol asks him how his day was, Baekhyun doesn’t know where to start. He tells him about their lunch and the cake, but saves their conversations to himself. They feel too intimate to share.

Baekhyun has managed to successfully push the surprise to the back of his mind until they pull into the parking lot of their apartment, when his anxiousness hits him like a freight train. It must show on his face because Chanyeol pauses on their walk up the stairs to look at him worriedly.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks, putting a hand to Baekhyun’s forehead. “You’re pale.”

Baekhyun feels tingly where their skin is touching. He nods feebly; sending Chanyeol what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’m just… nervous. You said you had a surprise for me, right?”

Chanyeol visibly brightens up at the reminder, his smile blinding. “Yeah! But that’s no reason to look so worried, Baek, I promise. Come on, your surprise is waiting for you.”

“What?” Baekhyun asks, but either Chanyeol doesn’t hear him or ignores him, reaching down to link their fingers together and practically drag him the remaining steps up and to their door. 

While Chanyeol fumbles with his keys, dropping Baekhyun’s hand in the process, Baekhyun stops to think about what he might mean. That’s when he hears voices coming from inside the apartment. Chanyeol finally gets the lock open and grins comfortingly at Baekhyun, taking his hand again to guide him inside. Of all the things Baekhyun had imagined, all the possible scenarios of what the surprise might be, this definitely wasn’t it.

Baekbeom is sitting on their couch, sipping wine while chatting with a woman Baekhyun recognizes as his wife. Mrs. Byun is on the loveseat, playing with a little girl who can only be Baekbeom’s daughter. Toben is sniffing at a small puppy, which yips at him.

Baekhyun must make some sort of noise because everyone’s attention is suddenly attracted to him. His mother smiles widely but makes no move to get closer to him. Instead, holds her granddaughter in her lap and looks on while Baekbeom stands up from his seat and approaches Baekhyun.

Baekhyun must admit, he’s breathing heavily and shallowly. He’s just too in shock to react properly. “Hyung,” he whispers, blinking rapidly. Baekbeom stops when he’s two feet from him, looking at Baekhyun from head to toe. 

None of them is sure who moves first, but soon they’re hugging and Baekhyun is crying into his brother’s shoulder and he’s pretty sure Baekbeom is crying too. Baekhyun feels years of loneliness and nostalgia crashing down on him, and he releases a deep sigh, letting everything go in one breath. He instantly feels a thousand pounds lighter.

“Hyung,” Baekhyun whispers again, holding on tighter. “Hyung, I missed you.”

“I missed you too, kid,” Baekbeom tells him. There’s a pause, then Baekbeom is pulling away, looking at Baekhyun strangely. “Is that my cologne?”

Baekhyun blushes. He admits, “I stole it from your bedroom when I moved.”

Baekbeom genuinely laughs, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun laughs too, giddy. Baekbeom turns halfway to the couch, extending a hand for his wife to come closer. Up close, she’s prettier than she looks in pictures. “Baekhyun-ah, this is my wife, Subin. Honey, this is my brother, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun bows, shakes her hand. She marvels at how similar they look and introduces Baekhyun to his niece. Baekhyun secretly cries again when she hugs him and calls him uncle. His mother is crying too, although that’s not too surprising. 

Mrs. Byun claps her hands once to get everyone’s attention and says it’s time to cut the cake. Baekhyun groans and pats his stomach. “This is my third birthday cake today,” he says. Baekbeom shoves his shoulder and tells him that’s no reason to be gloomy.

They sing him a happy birthday, his niece the most enthusiast singer. When it’s over and Chanyeol is helping Subin cut the cake and pass around the slices, Baekbeom tells Baekhyun how his daughter seems to have inherited his talent for music.

“I mean, it can’t be from me,” Baekbeom says, “I don’t know the difference between a guitar and a cello. And Subin… I love her but she can’t hold a note to save her life.”

Subin, who overheard their conversation, smacks her husband in the arm. Baekbeom rubs the abused spot and frowns at her, “Honey, you know it’s true!”

Baekhyun’s niece, Suhyun, chats animatedly with Chanyeol about her favourite Disney characters and not even once Chanyeol looks bored – rather, he seems pretty excited about their conversation, providing with his own opinions and fun trivia when prompted. Suhyun is in love with him by the end of the night.

In fact, when it’s nearing midnight and her parents decide it’s time they go back to their hotel, she clings sleepily to Chanyeol and whines that she wants to stay with her uncle and the handsome oppa. Baekbeom grumbles something about how Chanyeol can only take one, either his brother or his daughter. “Please, just my brother, give me back my child.”

Chanyeol, who’d been hugging Suhyun and laughing at her little tantrum, hands her back with a pout. They wave sadly to each other while Subin says goodbye to Baekhyun and carries her daughter to their awaiting taxi.

Baekhyun hugs his mother next, holding her tight. She pats his cheeks and says, “Come visit me one of these days, alright? I’ll send you my new address.”

So while Chanyeol says goodbye to his mother in law, Baekbeom takes the chance to talk to his brother in private for a second. They adjourn in the hallway, the door closing softly behind them. Baekhyun beams at his brother, balancing on the ball of his feet. Baekbeom smiles back, giving his brother a long hug.

“I’m gonna be in town for a while,” Baekbeom tells him. “Subin is going back to LA with Suhyun next week but I’ll stay a little longer, help mom settle down and work out the legal stuff. So there’s absolutely no excuse for us not to hang out, not even your hot boyfriend.”

“You think Chanyeol is hot?” Baekhyun raises both eyebrows. 

Baekbeom rolls his eyes. “I know I’m straight but that doesn’t mean I’m blind.”

Baekhyun laughs, nodding. That’s a fair point. “I’ll see you this weekend?” Baekhyun suggests. “Bring your kid, she’s cute.”

“Only if you promise to pay attention to me, too,” Baekbeom jokes. Baekhyun pretends to think about it, taking the soft blow to his upper arm in retaliation. Mrs. Byun exits the apartment then, telling Baekbeom she’ll wait in the taxi. She kisses Baekhyun’s cheek one last time and begins the descent down the stairs.

Baekbeom shakes hands with Chanyeol, slapping his arm in that weird bro hug Baekhyun has never mastered. He likes actual hugs, thank you very much. After Baekbeom is out of sight, Chanyeol visibly relaxes his grip on the doorknob loosening. 

They’re both too exhausted to clean their apartment and they settle for clearing out the plates they used and soaking them on the dishwasher so at least they don’t attract too many ants. Then, they take turns showering, Baekhyun going first.

He tries to be as fast as possible, not only for Chanyeol’s sake but also because he’s desperate to change into his pajamas and call it a day. He leaves the bathroom and bumps into Chanyeol, who looks like he’d been about to knock on the door. Chanyeol smiles sheepishly and lets him through. 

Ten minutes later, Baekhyun is already in bed, scrolling through his social media feed and replying to some happy birthday messages, when Chanyeol pokes his head in Baekhyun’s bedroom.

“Hey, hyung,” Baekhyun waves sleepily, patting the spot next to him and scooting closer to the wall. “Did you need anything?”

“I just wanted to ask how you’re feeling,” Chanyeol shrugs, scratching at his chin. “Did you enjoy your birthday?”

“Are you kidding?” Baekhyun giggles. Just thinking about the day he just had makes his heart swell. “It was the best birthday I’ve had in a decade.”

Chanyeol smiles, proud. Baekhyun continues, “I can’t believe you brought my brother to Korea just for me.”

“Baek, I’d bring the moon down for you if it made you smile,” Chanyeol says matter-of-factly. Baekhyun makes a face, grumbling about how cheesy that was even if his cheeks hurt from how wide he’s smiling. “Can I ask, though: what did you think my surprise was? You seemed really worked up about it.”

Baekhyun blushes, not meeting Chanyeol’s eyes. He feels quite silly now, after realizing that Chanyeol had nothing but the purest intentions at heart when he planned Baekhyun’s birthday. “It was nothing, hyung,” Baekhyun mumbles, tapping at his screen to check someone’s history if only to occupy himself.

“Oh come on, you can tell me!” Chanyeol insists, not unlike a child. “What was it?”

Baekhyun holds out for another minute until he gives in. He sighs. “It’s just… you remember, back in February, our date? How you said you wanted to wait before taking things further?”

Chanyeol nods, waiting for him to continue. “And, how after that, everytime we kiss, you only let things go so far before you pull away? It always seemed to me like it was difficult for you to do that. And then this morning you said you had a surprise planned for me and then you kissed me and I – I thought I saw something in your eyes. I thought that you meant tonight we would, you know.”

Baekhyun shrugs uncomfortably, not sure of how Chanyeol will react. Will he be upset?

“Oh,” is all Chanyeol says. Baekhyun looks at him and finds Chanyeol is blushing, staring at his lap. “Were you – is that what you want?”

Baekhyun blanches. “What?”

“I mean,” Chanyeol splutters. “Not tonight! No offense, but I’m pretty worn out and I’m sure you are too. But if you want, we can…” he trails off, waving his hand around for emphasis or explanation.

Baekhyun gapes. Did Chanyeol just proposition him?

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, before he can stop himself. Chanyeol whips his head to stare at him. Baekhyun refuses to blush this time. “Not tonight. But soon… right? I mean, I want to. Do you?”

“Of course,” Chanyeol says quickly. He seems to realize how it sounds and his eyes widen, but Baekhyun only smiles at him and it eases his nerves. “Okay, well, good night, then.”

“Wait!” Baekhyun stops him by the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “Don’t go. I was rather looking forward to at least a little kissing, you know?”

Under any other circumstances, Baekhyun might be horrified by how blunt he’s being. But it’s true so he doesn’t see the harm in it. And thankfully Chanyeol doesn’t see it either, because he smiles easily and draws closer, kissing Baekhyun and letting the younger boy pull him on top of him.

Chanyeol rests his weight on his knees and one elbow, lets Baekhyun take the lead and only uses his free hand to brush hair out of Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun is more than happy to dominate the kiss, sliding his tongue into Chanyeol’s mouth the moment he gets access.

They shift around to get more comfortable, until Baekhyun has his back against the headboard and Chanyeol is perched on his lap, thighs on either side of Baekhyun’s own. It provides a better angle for them to kiss, which they take full advantage of. Baekhyun sighs into the kiss, relishing in the warmth that seems to emanate from Chanyeol’s body.

Chanyeol separates their lips only to trail butterfly kisses down Baekhyun’s jaw and to his neck, latching onto a patch of skin and sucking hard. Baekhyun keens, his head lolling to the side to give him better access. Chanyeol presses closer, leaving a line of red marks down the expanse of Baekhyun’s neck. 

Meanwhile, Baekhyun lets his hands wander freely, from Chanyeol’s hair to his sides to under his shirt. He listens intently for the sharp intake of breath Chanyeol always does when Baekhyun traces his torso, a little ticklish in the area. Baekhyun moves his hands further up, brushing Chanyeol’s nipples with his fingers.

Chanyeol groans out something that sounds like Baekhyun’s name, sucking a new hickey with renewed vigour. He accidentally lets their crotches rub together, to which Baekhyun reacts with a moan. Baekhyun ruts his hips up, searching for more friction.

Usually, this is where Chanyeol stops. This time, however, he allows Baekhyun to thrust his hips, even rolling his own down to meet Baekhyun halfway. Baekhyun is unbearably hard by now and his cotton pants are so thin he can feel Chanyeol perfectly through the cloth. 

“Hyung,” Baekhyun gasps, grasping Chanyeol’s torso, scratching lightly at the skin. Chanyeol doesn’t respond, his mouth otherwise preoccupied with kissing up to Baekhyun’s lips. They engage in another lip lock, this one messier than before. Baekhyun never thought he’d like a kiss with so much saliva, but to be honest he’d be happy with whatever Chanyeol gave him. “Hyung, please,” Baekhyun pleads, although he isn’t too sure what he’s asking.

Chanyeol seems to understand him. Before he knows it, Baekhyun finds himself his pants mid-thigh, his cock slapping against his stomach. Baekhyun doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed before Chanyeol is lowering his own pants too and Baekhyun is too occupied with staring at the older man’s dick.

Admittedly, it isn’t too different to Baekhyun’s, perhaps a little bigger, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s Chanyeol’s dick and Baekhyun has a sudden urge to touch it. So he does.

Chanyeol hisses, his eyes drawn to Baekhyun’s hand gathering the precum that’s leaked from the slit to ease his ministrations. Baekhyun is no stranger to touching himself, which much is obvious, so he knows what to do and not to do. Except, for some reason, he wants to do more, he wants to impress Chanyeol, make him feel good. He practically forgets about his own erection with how focused he is on Chanyeol, watching his expression to gauge what he likes best.

He’s reminded when Chanyeol touches him, though. Baekhyun arches into the touch, nearly neglecting his ministrations on Chanyeol. He does his best to continue, but the way Chanyeol is rubbing his cock has his mind reeling.

“Let me,” Chanyeol murmurs, his voice impossibly deeper. Baekhyun sort of wants to curl into his chest and feel the vibrations it makes when he talks. “Come on, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun lets his hand fall limp to his side. Chanyeol takes both their cocks into his hand and rubs them together, thrusting his hips forward. Baekhyun does the same, desperate for release. Chanyeol’s hand is warm and feels amazing on him. He comes with a moan of Chanyeol’s name, his cum landing on his tummy. Chanyeol comes right after, a mix between a grunt and a curse leaving his mouth. 

Chanyeol slumps forward, his forehead knocking into Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun sighs in pleasure – even if he’s sticky, he feels too good to complain. 

“Hyung,” Baekhyun whispers, edging closer to peck Chanyeol’s lips. He doesn’t really have anything to say. 

Chanyeol has to get up to fetch something to wipe them both down. Baekhyun is in and out of consciousness when he returns and Chanyeol smiles, shaking him slightly. “Sorry, but I need you awake for a second.”

“M’kay,” Baekhyun mumbles. He shivers a little when Chanyeol presses the damp cloth to his skin and wipes away the sweat and cum from his body, smacks his lips together when Chanyeol is done and says through a yawn, “Hurry up and come here.”

Chanyeol laughs, struggling to get new pajama pants on Baekhyun. Baekhyun isn’t helpful at all, whining that he’s cold. “You’re a baby,” Chanyeol tells him. Baekhyun doesn’t dignify that with a response.

Chanyeol cleans himself up quickly and slides his sweatpants on, dumping the stained boxers on the laundry basket. He goes back to Baekhyun’s room and lies down on the bed, lets Baekhyun wrap himself like a koala around him. 

“Good night, hyung,” Baekhyun tells him sleepily. Chanyeol presses a kiss to his forehead and falls asleep on the spot.

_iii_

In the middle of a June night, Chanyeol wakes up with a start. He is disorientated at first, isn’t sure what raised him from sleep and almost falls asleep again when he hears a sort of rustling coming from the living room. He decides to check things out in case Baekhyun needs anything.

He finds Baekhyun pacing up and down the apartment, wringing his hands together and face pinched in a frown. His sleep attire is wrinkled, the pants dragging across the floor given they’re originally Chanyeol’s, his hair seems to have been victim to stress and overall, the poor kid looks exhausted.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol calls quietly. Baekhyun looks up at the sound of his voice, eyes going wide when he sees his soulmate standing five feet from him. “Are you alright?”

“I…” Baekhyun hesitates. His face is pale and there are dark bags under his eyes. He seems to make up his mind, whispering, “I’m having an anxiety attack.”

Chanyeol is quick to grab Baekhyun’s hands. He knows from previous situations what Baekhyun needs when he’s going through this and complies right away, taking him to the couch and sitting down, dragging Baekhyun down into the cushion next to him. “Breath in, one two three four,” he tells him, mimicking the action, “hold it in, one two three four, exhale, one two three four…”

They don’t stop until Baekhyun is breathing normally again, or at least he isn’t hyperventilating. Chanyeol asks him to stay put while he goes to the kitchen to grab him a glass of water; he also slips some anxiety meds into his hoodie’s pocket, just in case. Baekhyun downs the water in an instant, despite Chanyeol’s disapproving frown. 

“You already walked three miles within the apartment,” Chanyeol reminds him gently when Baekhyun tries to get up again, his hands fisted into the cotton of his pants. “Talk to me, baby.”

The pet name comes out on its own, without Chanyeol’s consent. Too late to take it back, Chanyeol pretends like he isn’t blushing and tries to look as professional as possible. Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind it too much, however, which is good. 

“My mom called me today,” Baekhyun whispers. “She said she kicked my stepdad out of the house and filed a restraining order against him. She said she wants me to come back home.”

“Do you want to go home?”

Baekhyun startles. He clearly wasn’t expecting Chanyeol to ask that, probably thought he’d be completely against it. Which he is, mind you, he has no desire to see his soulmate leave him, especially to live in the house that holds so many terrible memories for him. But Chanyeol also doesn’t want to hold him back from being with his mom; he knows Baekhyun wants to try again with her, after all.

“No,” he admits. “I don’t. I want to stay here with you, hyung. But she sounded so hopeful,” his eyes brim with tears, “I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“You’re not going crazy,” Chanyeol assures him. “You’re anxious. And you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and you can’t force yourself either. You’ve grown a lot in the last year and I trust you to make the right decision, whatever that may be. You should trust yourself too, you know? You’re a very smart kid.”

“But what if my stepdad goes back?” Baekhyun rants. “What if he finds her? What if he hurts her? What if he hurts me or you?”

“He won’t,” Chanyeol assures him. “I am not allowing anyone to hurt you or your mom, Baekhyun. And if you decide to stay with me, your mom won’t be mad. She loves me, after all. We’ll just have to make sure to visit her on the weekends. Alright?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods, offering him a half smile. “Thank you, Chanyeol.”

“Do you need anything right now? I can make you some tea or run to the store to get you one of those weird chocolates you like, the ones with the fudge and the diabetes in a plastic bag. Not that I condone any sugar when you’re like this but if it helps…”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun says. He looks down to their hands, lying side by side on the couch. “But,” he continues, “can I - uh, can I sleep with you tonight?”

Chanyeol blinks. “Of course. But, why?”

“I just,” Baekhyun shrugs, uncomfortable, and Chanyeol regret opening his big mouth. “I feel better when I’m with you, I guess. Like my problems aren’t that big.”

Chanyeol tries really hard not to look overly proud, but the scowl he gets tells him he didn’t do a particularly good job at it. He nods anyway, supressing a smile. Baekhyun rolls his eyes at him but still follows him to his room. Chanyeol takes the left side of the bed and lets Baekhyun lie down closer to the door – makes him feel safer that way. Baekhyun climbs in after him and lays his head on the pillow, allows Chanyeol to fuss over him because it not-so-secretly pleases him to no end; Chanyeol sees the smile, he’s not blind.

“G’night Chanyeol.”

“Night, Baekhyun.”

~

The first thing Baekhyun sees the next morning when he wakes up is black, or maybe an indigo blue. Chanyeol’s hoodie from last night. Upon closer inspection, Baekhyun also feels unfamiliarly warm and his head is resting on something oddly soft. He shifts a bit to wiggle his right arm from under his body to get the blood flowing and accidentally jolts Chanyeol.

“Good morning,” Chanyeol mutters through a yawn. Baekhyun doesn’t have to see his face to know he has a ridiculously wide smile on. 

Baekhyun lifts his head off his chest and moves around until they’re side by side. Chanyeol turns to lie on his side too. They don’t speak for a long time. Chanyeol traces Baekhyun’s face with his eyes, his gaze wide and openly loving and it makes Baekhyun feel something deep in his chest.

Their relationship has changed a lot in the year Baekhyun has been living with Chanyeol. Baekhyun knows it’s partly because he’s been going to therapy and taking his medication, which has helped a lot with his self-esteem and he is no longer deadly afraid of being with his soulmate. It also has to do with how patient Chanyeol has been with him, the encouragement he gives him and how attentive he is, always making sure Baekhyun takes his meds and eats everything on his plate.

Baekhyun isn’t thin anymore. He’s gained weight, his cheeks are round and his stomach is soft, on some days even protruding a little bit of fat in his lower abdomen – he gets rid of that with a little jog around the nearby park with Toben, but it’s great. 

Chanyeol lifts a hand, stops it midway as he waits for permission. When he gets it in the form of Baekhyun nodding lightly, he cups one of Baekhyun’s cheeks and leaves his hand there, rubs his thumb against the skin. Baekhyun sighs, he is warm and comfortable and he feels so loved, right then and there he knows he wouldn’t be able to move away from Chanyeol. Just the idea of leaving him, if only to live with his mom whom he misses dearly, has his heart aching. Baekhyun blames it on their soulmate status, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to spend a single day away from Chanyeol again without actually going insane.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says. Baekhyun is shaken out of his thoughts, he realizes Chanyeol hasn’t stopped his ministrations and is still caressing the skin on his cheek. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Sorry,” Baekhyun murmurs sheepishly. At least he doesn’t blush or clamp down as he would have ages ago.

“I said,” Chanyeol stops, his mouth opens and closes. He takes a deep breath, locks eyes with Baekhyun, and says, “I love you, Baekhyunnie. And I want you to know that I’m always here for you, not matter what.”

Baekhyun blinks. He’s pretty sure he’s not breathing anymore. His suspicions are confirmed when Chanyeol tightens his hold for a second and reminds him to inhale and exhale. 

“I love you too,” Baekhyun blurts out. He meant to say it with a little more sentiment, but it comes out almost rushed, like he’s trying to reassure Chanyeol that he feels the same. He supposes he is, because he doesn’t want to even think about hurting his soulmate, accidentally or not.

Chanyeol gapes. “You do?”

“Of course, I do,” Baekhyun scoffs, feeling more like himself before everything that happened. Back when he was the class clown and the teachers couldn't decide whether they loved or hated him. He feels like that a lot when he’s with Chanyeol. “I love you, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol beams, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. He shuffles forward and presses a kiss to Baekhyun’s forehead, tugging him closer to his body and lets Baekhyun snuggle up to him, resting his chin on top of Baekhyun’s head. 

“It’s still early,” Chanyeol tells him quietly. “You can sleep a little longer.”

Baekhyun hums, nodding sleepily. A little nap before getting on with the day sounds nice. 

~

“I have something I’d like to say.”

All eyes turn to Baekhyun at the same time. He pretends like he doesn’t see Junmyeon light up. 

Today they’re taking about families. Everyone’s shared their own bits of the past, some talking wonders about their parents, others complaining that they didn’t see the signs soon enough and landed them in therapy or ER, while others – Eric – make random comments that don’t seem attached nor detached. Baekhyun spent the entire session pondering his options, knowing they are now at least expecting him to say a few sentences. He knows that if he goes through with what his heart wants, he’ll probably end up crying in the end. And the last thing he wants is to cry in front of his friends, thank you very much. He’s managed to avoid that from happening for a full year.

But as soon as Junmyeon announced there were ten minutes left of the session, apprehension filled Baekhyun and he felt as if he’d suffocate if he didn’t talk. He worries that if he doesn’t say anything today, right now, he never will.

“Go ahead, then,” Junmyeon nods. 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, focusing his gaze on the floor. “My dad died when I was five,” he starts. “He was a cop and died on duty. My mom didn’t take it very well. I know now that she was depressed, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that my mom was suddenly very sad all the time and didn’t look at me anymore. She was bad for some time, until she met another man. They dated for a year, and then they got married. I was happy for her, because she was smiling again and if this man was good enough for her, then he was good enough for me too. My older brother and I got along fine with him – he wasn’t very loving towards us, only with our mom, but that was okay. 

“When I was ten years old, we started having money issues. At first it only affected the splurges we were used to, like going to the movies every weekend or the amusement park, that sort of thing. But slowly, our budget was so tight we had to sacrifice one thing for another – should we buy food or clothes? Pay for gas or power? School or hospital bills?

“For the longest time, my mom kept me and my brother from knowing about it. But my brother soon had to start working to help us. He’s seven years older than me so it only lasted for about two years before he moved away for college on a full ride. I haven’t spoken to him much since then. After he left, my stepfather expected me to work too, to take over the responsibilities my brother had before. I even got the same job he had because his boss knew about our situation and wanted to help. I was thirteen and supposed to be playing videogames all day long until my mom yelled at me, not working at a butcher’s shop. Anyway, things didn’t really get that bad until Christmas.”

Baekhyun chances a look around the room to find everyone is paying attention. He almost shies away in instinct before he remembers he’s not the scared little kid he was before. He can do this. “I dropped a plate of food on accident and my stepfather went insane. He hit me for the first time, and then he hit my mom when she tried to defend me. He continued to be violent after that, everytime he considered me to be stepping out of line or if he got paranoid about my mom talking to the mailman. 

“The abuse went on for years. I guess that’s the reason I got depressed, the reason for my anxiety and my panic attacks. I became terrified of going home, but I also knew I couldn’t even pretend to be studying at the library or working because he’d take it out on my mom, or he would find out I lied and it would be even worse. He usually blamed me for the lack of money and food, said I was a burden and things would be better if I was gone. I started to believe him. I wasn’t eating or sleeping; I used to be in a busking band when I was fifteen when I was with my friend but hearing every day from my stepfather that I was worthless and a waste of space made me feel so insecure I left because I didn’t want to ruin things for them. I barely had passing grades to graduate high school.

“The night I tried to kill myself, I heard him and my mom arguing in their bedroom. That wasn’t unusual in our house, but it sounded different. My mom was the one yelling the loudest. He said they had to get rid of me,” Baekhyun chokes up, “or else they wouldn’t make it to ends meet. I don’t really remember what he said, but I do remember running out of the house. And running and running until I reached the Han River. It took me some time to work up the courage to climb the ledge, which is how Chanyeol – Dr. Park found me.

“This Christmas, I went home for the first time in months, just to see my mom. Before I left, she asked me to give her some time. And last night, she called me to let me know she left him.”

He clears his throat. “So, yeah. That’s the story of Baekhyun. Thanks for listening, I guess?”

“Thank you for sharing with us,” Yoojung tells him. “I was starting to think you were never going to tell us why you were here.”

Junmyeon starts to scold her, but Baekhyun laughs. “I know I usually talk about whatever is on my mind or the topic of the day, but I figured it’d be only fair if you knew as much about me as I know about you.”

“It isn’t about fairness,” Junmyeon says. “It’s about trust. This means you trust us now, Baekhyun. I’m glad you do.”

Siyeon passes him a tissue from the snacks table. Baekhyun is startled to find his face is soaked in tears. “Sometime around Christmas,” Siyeon informs him. Baekhyun thanks her and dabs at his cheeks. Thankfully, he’s not a messy crier.

The session is dismissed minutes later, after Junmyeon wraps things up with a few words of encouragement and a reminder there’s a fairway party the next day for a patient. Baekhyun doesn’t want to join but knowing Chanyeol, he’s going to get dragged there anyway. He finds he doesn’t really mind.

 

When Chanyeol asks him how session went, Baekhyun admittedly freaks out a little. He heard Chanyeol thinking on the ride home, wondering to himself about Baekhyun’s puffy face and if he should ask. It saddened Baekhyun that his soulmate _still_ worried he would react badly to him showing concern and especially after everything they’ve been through together.

So, when dinner is out of the way and Toben is fast asleep on the living room, Baekhyun takes Chanyeol to the bedroom and sits him down on the bed. They’re facing each other head on, Chanyeol with apprehension and his mind practically screaming that he somehow screwed things up with Baekhyun. 

“I’m not mad or anything,” Baekhyun reassures him quickly. “I just want to tell you something. I realized I never explained why I was going to jump in the first place.”

“You don’t owe me any explanations,” Chanyeol tells him with wide eyes.

“I know that now,” Baekhyun muses. “But I still want to. Now shut up and let me do the talking.”

Baekhyun tells him everything he told the others, and then some more. 

He tells Chanyeol about the nights he would crawl into his older brother’s bed to sleep because the yelling was too much, and how he kept doing it even after Baekbeom was gone. He confesses the anger and bitterness he felt when his hyung escaped their house and left him behind, how jealous he was but how happy he still feels when he thinks about his brother being happy on his own.

Baekhyun talks about sneaking out his bedroom window to go into Jongin’s house sometimes, having dinner with the Kim family and feeling more at home than he ever felt at his own. He talks about the relief that it’s been to have Jongin by his side all his life.

And very shyly, scared of judgement and just downright exhausted of the day, Baekhyun rolls up his shorts and shows him the thin scars on his thighs. He speaks quietly about the first time he did it, how he messed up and ended up cutting too deep so he had to run down to the E.R and lie about a shaving incident. He learned to do it right, eventually.

“When did you stop?” Chanyeol asks in a whisper, noticing the most recent scars are white and a little faded.

“After I met you,” Baekhyun says truthfully. “Being with you has given me purpose. I don’t feel the need to cut anymore.”

Chanyeol stares at him. Not his scars, but _him_ , Baekhyun, eyes tracing over his eyes and his nose and his lips and his hair. Then, he says, his voice thick with emotion, “I love you so much.”

Baekhyun smiles brightly, his heart fluttering at the words. He doesn’t think twice before he launches himself at Chanyeol and tackles him to the bed, kissing him. Chanyeol kisses him back just as enthusiastically, murmuring promises into Baekhyun’s lips. Baekhyun can’t remember the last time he felt this happy and complete, this _loved_. And he owes it all to Chanyeol, who’s been endlessly patient with him, holding his hand through every little thing and every big thing Baekhyun has faced this year.

“I love you, hyung,” Baekhyun tells him in earnest. He knows Chanyeol caught the message behind his words because he tears up and it’s only then Baekhyun realizes he’s crying, the tears slipping down his cheeks and over the curve of his jaw. 

“Baby,” Chanyeol whispers, wiping away the tears from Baekhyun’s face. “I’m so proud of you. I love you.”

Baekhyun sighs. What he feels right now, this serenity and peace of mind, is something he never knew he craved until he got it and now he can’t imagine going back to a life without it. He never knew he wanted a soulmate, either, but now that he has Chanyeol, he can’t imagine his life without him. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to, because Baekhyun isn’t going anywhere and neither is Chanyeol.


End file.
